About emmingle : Czech-Canadian trying to make it big as a crayon designer.
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emmingle's favorite FMLs
Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML
by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML
by Annonymous_Dad / 05/01/2013 at 7:22pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML
by itsellie27 / 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by Porter_Robinson / 04/30/2013 at 4:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, six weeks before my wedding, my mother decided to claim that she never agreed on paying for it and that she doesn't think she will. Now I have six weeks to scavenge enough cash for the wedding she planned in the first place. FML
by need_cash_now / 04/28/2013 at 12:29am / United States / Money
by whathehell / 04/27/2013 at 4:28am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by dabull / 04/27/2013 at 1:02am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Love
by gamerguru13 / 04/21/2013 at 8:26am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by MaggotMother / 04/20/2013 at 6:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML
by pantydropper / 04/17/2013 at 3:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by OPhere / 04/15/2013 at 3:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML
by NZgirl92 / 04/14/2013 at 10:29pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML
by BrillianceSucks / 04/04/2013 at 8:10pm / Canada / Work
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…
- Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were… Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 years with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the… Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven…