About emirie : Instagram: Briannaemirie.
emirie's FML badges
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
emirie's favorite FMLs
by Harry / 05/13/2014 at 6:37pm / United States (Georgia) / Money
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
by chumman / 05/06/2014 at 9:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by melmel / 05/05/2014 at 1:07am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML
by me / 04/24/2014 at 11:32am / United States (Kentucky) / Work
by ewhy / 04/23/2014 at 2:37pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML
by kelly.duggan / 04/21/2014 at 12:03am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of 3 years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 1:58pm / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Love
by ClaustrophobicNightmares / 03/28/2014 at 4:42am / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Work
Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by mookiemookie01 / 03/27/2014 at 6:34pm / Miscellaneous
Today, at my job as a bouncer at a music venue, a guy got his nose broken in a rowdy mosh pit. When I went to help him up and see if he was okay, he said, "It was an accident, please don't kick me out," but the word "please" came out as a hot spray of his blood across my face. FML
by ColoradoGirl420 / 03/24/2014 at 2:53pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
by pantyripper / 03/24/2014 at 8:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by doesn't fuck on the first, thank god / 03/23/2014 at 4:25pm / United Kingdom (Southend-on-Sea) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/21/2014 at 2:16pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames) / Love
by Lori_ftw / 02/26/2014 at 10:28pm / United States (California) / Work