emeraldisle

Search for a member

Offline (2 hours ago)

emeraldisle

175Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 21 November 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 9851
  • Number of comments : 743
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About emeraldisle : I'm awesome and I love cats.

After being on this site for a while, I've come to realise that sarcasm and humour are lost on a lot of people.

Message me if you could like chat on here. Don't message me if you're going to ask me to chat on another app or ask for nudes.

emeraldisle's page activity

Visits<b>DA_JUDGE123</b> - yesterday at 12:13am<b>Odin1624</b> - yesterday at 6:44pm<b>Supersonic54</b> - yesterday at 11:40am<b>robsmit98</b> - the 08/22/2016 at 6:27pm<b>funnyhowthatwork</b> - the 08/21/2016 at 2:33am<b>T_Rex561</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 10:45pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 9:45pm<b>MofoV</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 8:27pm<b>ames909</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 2:13pm<b>trumpet_girl17</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 2:07pm<b>mas12806</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 11:23am<b>DrafteeSelf</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 10:20am<b>dantecarlson</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 8:58am<b>niallo</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 8:51am<b>Teyros</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 1:53am<b>tinderfail</b> - the 08/19/2016 at 10:55pm<b>waleedma</b> - the 08/19/2016 at 7:12pm<b>Poyzin7323</b> - the 08/19/2016 at 4:52pm

Fucked!<b>Teyros</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 7:53am<b>Willman757</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 3:37pm<b>shiba10</b> - the 08/12/2016 at 4:39am<b>S_Melh</b> - the 08/11/2016 at 7:17am<b>tonyfan00</b> - the 08/04/2016 at 3:38am<b>Junkiegamer</b> - the 07/29/2016 at 1:59am<b>Godzillapro14</b> - the 07/28/2016 at 7:19pm<b>zaidthunder1</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 9:14pm<b>AngusEcrivain</b> - the 07/10/2016 at 10:43am<b>Therid</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 1:03pm<b>alphasmartass93</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 7:00am<b>unicornhugger</b> - the 04/20/2016 at 5:31am<b>ssnow</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 12:09pm<b>dimos4ever</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 9:15am<b>spicypie</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 9:22pm<b>AHzulu</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 9:13am<b>fungi0528</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 9:28pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 1:06am

emeraldisle's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of emeraldisle's badges

emeraldisle's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a cute guy at the coffee shop reading a book. Wanting to be friendly, I smiled as I approached and asked what he was reading. He returned the smile and said, "Minding your damn business, by Fuck Off." FML

by nevaagain / 08/19/2016 at 4:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, the VP of my company stopped by my desk to personally deliver praise on my recent performance. I watched in helpless horror as the noxious fart I had just released slapped him in the face. He was too polite to leave but gagged through his entire speech. If farts can kill careers... FML

by FartMyLife / 08/11/2016 at 7:34am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML

by . / 08/05/2016 at 12:57pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting on the floor petting my cat. Something that felt like a rock was jabbing into my leg so I reached down to remove it. It was an ancient, rock-hard piece of dung. FML

by sw2f2fchik612 / 08/03/2016 at 10:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2016 at 2:01pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by handing me a ring and saying "Let's get this dumb shit over and done with." FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2016 at 11:31am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

by nullpointer / 08/03/2016 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, after getting fired, I went home only to find my boss sitting my living room. Apparently, he and my mom had been dating for months and he felt compelled to let me go because it was a "conflict of interest". FML

by mermaidkeels / 06/18/2016 at 4:51am / United States / Work

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

by Workplace woes / 05/12/2016 at 1:00pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML

by fuck's sake / 04/16/2016 at 6:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML

by ciammmm / 04/07/2016 at 8:23pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

by momlife / 03/28/2016 at 4:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, while brushing my teeth, a fly flew into my mouth. It got caught in my electric toothbrush and was sucked into the circular bristles, getting crushed between the brush and my braces. I now have fly guts and goo stuck between my brackets, and I can't get rid of the taste. FML

by PackardBell / 03/27/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML

by humiliated / 03/20/2016 at 7:54am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, it appears that moth larvae can make a water boiler their home, especially during my absence for four weeks. I learned it the hard way by pouring their boiled carcasses over my noodles. FML

by notgonnaeatthat / 03/17/2016 at 4:40pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Animals