emeraldisle

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emeraldisle

164Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 21 November 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 8436
  • Number of comments : 717
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About emeraldisle : I'm awesome.

After being on this site for a while, I've come to realise that sarcasm and humour are lost on a lot of people.

emeraldisle's page activity

Visits<b>ciaraash</b> - 4 hours ago<b>BabooonLove</b> - 10 hours ago<b>DippinGrizzly907</b> - 17 hours ago<b>Dovahkiin_1997</b> - 19 hours ago<b>kokopuffs3</b> - 20 hours ago<b>Grayjack</b> - 22 hours ago<b>Bonngoo</b> - 23 hours ago<b>tengo</b> - 23 hours ago<b>CandyDawg</b> - 23 hours ago<b>TheTshirt</b> - yesterday at 9:20pm<b>StormfrontX33</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 7:38pm<b>alphasmartass93</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 1:00am<b>SixthSinEnvy</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 8:17pm<b>lenardMcCravits</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 2:31pm<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 9:34am<b>mondesno</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 9:30am<b>IAm123</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 5:37pm<b>frostedfoster</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 1:24pm

Fucked!<b>alphasmartass93</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 7:00am<b>unicornhugger</b> - the 04/20/2016 at 5:31am<b>ssnow</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 12:09pm<b>dimos4ever</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 9:15am<b>spicypie</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 9:22pm<b>AHzulu</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 9:13am<b>fungi0528</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 9:28pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 1:06am<b>BeccaRaye</b> - the 03/12/2016 at 5:13am<b>Toonice45</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 11:47pm<b>Feklfekl2222</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 1:01pm<b>aiw14</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 7:39am<b>aliciousness116</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 7:34pm<b>vikky538</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 6:03pm<b>Dieterle</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 1:50pm<b>ndnpride88</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 1:10pm<b>gdeekay</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 10:05pm<b>thefaekitten</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 9:32pm

emeraldisle's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of emeraldisle's badges

emeraldisle's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML

by fuck's sake / 04/16/2016 at 6:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

by momlife / 03/28/2016 at 4:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, while brushing my teeth, a fly flew into my mouth. It got caught in my electric toothbrush and was sucked into the circular bristles, getting crushed between the brush and my braces. I now have fly guts and goo stuck between my brackets, and I can't get rid of the taste. FML

by PackardBell / 03/27/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML

by humiliated / 03/20/2016 at 7:54am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, it appears that moth larvae can make a water boiler their home, especially during my absence for four weeks. I learned it the hard way by pouring their boiled carcasses over my noodles. FML

by notgonnaeatthat / 03/17/2016 at 4:40pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Animals

Today, I went to a bingo club with my gran and won the second game and a butthurt old lady accused me of cheating. I ended up being taken aside by an apologetic member of staff and asked to leave. I'm still trying to figure out how you can even cheat at bingo. FML

by Anonymous / 02/20/2016 at 3:21am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

by Sgt_Jackrum / 02/05/2016 at 5:27am / United Kingdom (Sandwell) / Intimacy

Today, I visited my 90-year-old great-grandmother and her boyfriend. This wouldn't be a problem, if this boyfriend wasn't different than the one she had yesterday. She told me not to tell him about "the other one". FML

by anon / 02/01/2016 at 11:37am / United States / Love

Today, I had to teach my 16-year-old brother how to use a toaster. He thought you just plug it in and wait for it to "pre-heat." FML

by whatarethisss / 01/29/2016 at 11:20am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into a room to help a patient get ready for bed. Except she already was in bed, with two other male patients. I work in a retirement home. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2016 at 5:22pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Work

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2015 at 10:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

Today, my daughter asked me if we could adopt a child. I said no, since we can't afford to support another child. She then asked me if she could just adopt another dad instead. FML

by anon / 12/16/2015 at 10:28am / Australia (South Australia) / Kids

Today, my cat regurgitated his food right on top of a heating vent located on my floor. Now the whole house smells like hot vomit. FML

by Jack W. / 12/09/2015 at 2:26pm / United States / Animals