earljonez

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earljonez

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 29 April 1988 (28 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1606
  • Number of comments : 112
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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earljonez's page activity

Visits<b>Tripartita</b> - the 06/24/2016 at 3:55pm<b>Itineranthuman</b> - the 06/01/2016 at 1:51pm<b>mh_2323</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 12:28pm<b>aimeeowl</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 4:51am<b>waleedma</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 3:38pm<b>Marynfrankie</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 11:45pm<b>itzALiza</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 2:56pm<b>nickie_94</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 9:05pm<b>amc597</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 8:19pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 1:44pm<b>MrsPegg</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 9:01am<b>Artigedude65</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 6:16am<b>LPac5295</b> - the 12/11/2015 at 1:55pm<b>RodzillaX</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 12:56am<b>Celeden</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 8:14pm<b>jamesderp</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 6:59pm<b>derangedplanet</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 1:45pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 12/07/2015 at 4:11pm

Fucked!<b>MrsPegg</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 12:24am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 1:34pm<b>chaseafterwind82</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 12:11pm<b>kittina</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 2:40am

earljonez's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of earljonez's badges

earljonez's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a dream that I was swinging through New York City as my favorite hero, Spider-Man. I was almost immediately beaten to death by a mugger. I suck even in my dreams. FML

by Spider fail / 05/31/2016 at 3:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML

by TooQuick / 04/27/2016 at 8:19am / Mozambique (Maputo) / Work

Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML

by Nasty / 04/25/2016 at 12:59pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML

by ew / 04/12/2016 at 1:53pm / United States / Love

Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2016 at 11:44am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, my best friend finally broke up with her knob of a boyfriend. This would be great except now my boyfriend of two years has broken up with me because she's finally single. She introduced us. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2016 at 9:54pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML

by sick of this shit / 03/12/2016 at 8:33am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2016 at 12:54pm / United States (Iowa) / Health

Today, I was at the gym. I'm 360 lbs and have finally decided it's time to change that. Some girl and her two bitch friends thought it'd be fun to follow me and belittle me at everything I did. When I mentioned it to the staff, they said that they were just "encouraging" me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2016 at 5:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, after not going out in over a year, I finally agreed to go out with some friends. I had a lot of fun and was very happy, up until when I was on my way back home and I noticed my car's sunroof had been stolen. FML

by Pandafriend / 01/24/2016 at 1:42pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

by shat / 12/12/2015 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandmother insisted that Mexicans sacrifice humans every year as part of their Catholic religion. The Swaggart guy on TV said so, and apparently, he can't be wrong, ever. FML

by wtfiswronghere / 12/08/2015 at 1:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

by Till We Pass Out / 10/03/2015 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Calderdale) / Health

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2015 at 7:25am / Germany (Hessen) / Love