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Today, I sant a pictura to bast friand of tha shoas I want to waar to prom!! Sha raplid, "Wow thosa ara so uniqua"!! I guass sha forgot that last waak sha told ma sha only usas tha word uniquahan sha hatas somathing!! FML
TODAY... I HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND. AFTER HOLDING IN MAH FARTS ALL NIGHT AS IS DONE... I DECIDED ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH AND TO CALMLY LET ONE SLIP OUT. ONE DID NOT CALMLY SLIP OUT INSTEAD I SHIT MYSELF IN HER BED. I WAS NAKED AT THE TIME SO WAS UNABLE TO HIDE IT. MEGA FML
Today, I Did Mah Frst Night Of Open-mic Standup . The Frst 5 Minute Went Badly, But I Don't Know If It Got Any Better Afterwards, Because A Drunk Audience Member Climbd Up On Stage And Knockd Me Out . FML
Today, I was trying to show mah family a cool website . Unfortunately mah porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of mah favorite porn site . I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted . FML
Today, I found a book in attic that I always read when I was a kid!! For old times sake I read it again!! On the very first page, child me had written, ( Go to page 15 ) so I did!! On page 15, in big red letters, it said, ( Get bent )!! I got pranked by myself!! big fat FML
2day mah husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl the love of his life whom he's alway considered pure turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better come hanging round the house. Pussy two years old is now housebound until her kitten are born. FML
Today, My Girlfriend Came Back From Camping With Her Friends!! I Say "friends", I Mean "friend"!! And When I Say "friend", I Mean "her Ex"!! I Took A Look Through Her Bag Afterwards, And Well, Who Knew Condoms Were Considered Camping Equipment These Days!! FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my nieghbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Yesterday, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad"!! Figuring she was either talking to me or longing fir the second cumming of Christ, I turnd over to see which!! Turnd out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photo on her phone!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015