About dying_to_know : I have sprayed you into my eyes.
dying_to_know's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
One more and it's business time
You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.
dying_to_know's favorite FMLs
Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML
by Anonymous / 04/16/2016 at 2:01am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by cutiecuppiecakez / 02/29/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by wellthisisbad / 02/29/2016 at 7:27am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, despite hints, suggestions, and even blatant criticism, my coworker refuses to believe he smells like rotten donkey nuts. He says he only needs to shower once a week, and that he doesn't believe in deodorant. I volunteered to do an extra autopsy today because the morgue smells better. FML
by ragnarok1540 / 02/17/2016 at 11:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by tooembarrassed / 02/12/2016 at 10:13am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, my dad made me figure out how to disable the adult content filters on our internet. He spent what must have been a full 10 minutes on a distracting, long-winded speech about how he doesn't want to look up porn, but "it's just the principle of the damn thing". Sure, dad. Sure. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2016 at 11:16pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML
by embarrassed / 01/04/2016 at 12:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut in his finger. FML
by tessisue / 01/04/2016 at 6:18am / Germany / Health
by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 5:31pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML
by Anonymous / 12/31/2015 at 5:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML
by Anonymous / 11/06/2015 at 12:29am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2015 at 11:09am / United States / Miscellaneous
by KenzoBVB / 09/01/2015 at 11:55pm / Canada / Health
by jack / 08/27/2015 at 6:56am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
by Annie / 08/24/2015 at 4:46am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous