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dvojplisen

Offline (the 03/07/2015 at 1:24am) | Search for a member

dvojplisen

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 31 October 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1094
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dvojplisen's page activity

Visits<b>katydid91</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 12:58pm<b>harryisangry</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 8:51am<b>niamhlorren</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 10:52am<b>False_Stupidity</b> - the 11/13/2013 at 8:51am

dvojplisen's FML badges

Inception

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

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dvojplisen's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

#17140359
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34589) - you deserved it (2542)

On 07/16/2011 at 8:19pm - health - by imobesejk (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

#15627116
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49549) - you deserved it (14512)

On 04/03/2011 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

#15161095
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50060) - you deserved it (14127)

On 03/01/2011 at 8:24am - intimacy - by WhyMe? -

Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML

#15016068
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48611) - you deserved it (5682)

On 02/17/2011 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by fmylife117 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I texted her and I would never talk to her again. But I accidentally sent it to my other best friend, who responded, "I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out". My two best friends cheated with my boyfriend. FML

#14943630
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57851) - you deserved it (4417)

On 02/12/2011 at 12:19am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

#14618568
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27382) - you deserved it (7195)

On 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my friend's house. We were looking at her dad's guns, and I was explaining gun safety and how you should never put your finger on the trigger. I then shot a hole in the floor of her house. FML

#14449374
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5843) - you deserved it (38685)

On 01/03/2011 at 6:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML

#13787466
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48802) - you deserved it (17788)

On 11/10/2010 at 5:28am - health - by youreajoker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

#13661699
377 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66566) - you deserved it (9387)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

#13481671
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20891) - you deserved it (27913)

On 10/17/2010 at 2:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defense lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one is going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML

#13235647
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27170) - you deserved it (4241)

On 09/28/2010 at 12:16pm - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48423) - you deserved it (15104)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48423) - you deserved it (15104)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48423) - you deserved it (15104)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML

#9721953
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25382) - you deserved it (56393)

On 04/08/2010 at 12:27am - kids - by bleredoshia (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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