About droid1126 : Who's that classy looking fellow with the Toucan Sam beak in the back, you ask? That would be me, making the lovely lady in the foreground of the picture my beautiful girlfriend. If you're on Xbox, add About25Muslims so we can play together! I'll play damn near anything, but right now I'm mostly on Ark: Survival Evolved.
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droid1126's favorite FMLs
by RedFaced / 05/26/2016 at 8:11pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my co-workers decided in our meeting with my boss that everything is my fault. When asked for examples, they couldn't come up with any. Now they are mad at me, because I'm apparently good at my job. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2016 at 12:58pm / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Work
Today, I went into my kitchen after placing a line of salt across the floor in front of the back door the night before to ward off slugs that keep getting in, only to find 12 idiotic slugs dead and shrivelled up, leaving a horrible gooey mess. I don't know why I expected any intelligence from them. FML
by Spongebob Garypants / 05/25/2016 at 10:05pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/25/2016 at 12:38pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went into the basement to do laundry. There is a little rope on the outside of the door to lock it. I was down there for 20 minutes, and came back up the stairs to find it locked. Turns out, my 3 year-old sister did it, then our parents took her to the park. I was stuck down there for 4 hours. FML
by Bugga2018 / 05/22/2016 at 7:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, we took an AP exam for Literature. One of the passages was about keeping in feelings in a relationship so that no one is "a burden". My boyfriend read the same passage and felt like he was a burden. I can't convince him otherwise. Thank you college board for endangering my relationship. FML
by welp / 05/22/2016 at 4:22pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by goldenpuppy / 05/19/2016 at 4:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
Today, my husband and I both got smart watches. We were running around, acting like we were in a James Bond movie, having fun. Until our neighbors called the cops on us for hiding in their bushes. FML
by nykkymcallister / 05/18/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek
Today, my boyfriend found the box of photos I've been saving for my daughter. He was convinced I was pining over her father and emptied the box into the dumpster behind our apartment. I'm still not done digging through the garbage to find the photos from the day my daughter was born. FML
by rummaging / 05/18/2016 at 9:46am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night to make me help my brother write an essay. I read what he wrote so far, gave him my suggestions, and went back to bed. She woke me up 30 mins later because he just sat and stared at his paper instead of fixing anything. Somehow that's my fault. FML
by I write sins not other people's essays / 05/11/2016 at 11:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to 'break it up' with a gloved finger, and then he sent me home with directions on how to administer an enema. I do not recommend trying to give an enema to a kid that doesn't want one. FML
by anon mom / 05/11/2016 at 8:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
by Anonymous / 05/11/2016 at 11:53am / United States (Michigan) / Money
Today, I had to calm down an angry customer who claimed one of my employees had "traumatized" her dog. Apparently her dog is really OCD and my employee didn't line up the dog bed at the right angle. She threatened to report us to the BBB. How do these morons even exist? FML
by dumbfounded / 05/08/2016 at 8:14am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I took my neighbor, who lives alone, to the hospital as she was complaining of stomach pains. Being a healthcare professional, all signs pointed to appendicitis. We waited for 6 hours to be told she needed to poo. FML
by chocolateteacup / 05/06/2016 at 5:30am / Australia (Victoria) / Health
Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML
by Anon. / 05/05/2016 at 5:00pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…