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dontjudgeme14's favorite FMLs
by okseñoryoucrazy / 02/01/2015 at 7:43pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML
by I'll Make You FartCum / 01/02/2015 at 4:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by wtfdad / 11/16/2014 at 12:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML
by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by candy man / 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by Idk / 05/29/2014 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/25/2014 at 11:52pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
by fredo / 03/19/2013 at 8:31am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by pissed girlfriend / 02/24/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by uhoh / 02/16/2013 at 12:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 12:08am / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, my mom's guilt tripping reached a new level when she told me all she wanted for her birthday… Today, I was playing video games when my balls felt itchy. I had been sick for the past few days so… Today I had to go back to work 4 hours after I finished my shift. Not for any work related reason…