dlockcarr

Search for a member

Offline (the 09/29/2014 at 4:25am)

dlockcarr

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 4 February 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 63
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

dlockcarr's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of dlockcarr's badges

dlockcarr's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

by Igor / 12/19/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 7:48am / France (Picardie) / Love

Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2012 at 8:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

by Ramis182 / 10/03/2011 at 12:26am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

by Nick / 07/27/2011 at 1:32pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML

by unnamed / 07/25/2011 at 11:19pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, whenever I do something that the kid I am babysitting likes, he pats me on the head and says "good girl". I'm whipped by a seven year old. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 2:03pm / United States / Kids