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dissdawg's favorite FMLs
Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML
by WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! / 08/09/2013 at 6:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by idontwanttoknow / 06/16/2013 at 7:37am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML
by cls_x / 02/24/2013 at 2:53am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by ladylol / 11/24/2012 at 8:54am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
by shit.... / 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy
Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML
by LNamesOnly / 07/09/2012 at 3:31am / Australia / Kids
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML
by Anonymous / 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by lindsaykay / 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm / United States / Intimacy
by oface13 / 04/16/2012 at 4:12am / United States / Intimacy
by displeased / 04/05/2012 at 2:47am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by BookBabe / 03/25/2012 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by asdfghjkl / 12/18/2010 at 2:14pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
by Camille / 07/13/2010 at 8:02pm / United States (Maine) / Work
by EpicUsername / 03/10/2010 at 8:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
- Today, after years of public sector pay freezes, I finally got a 1% pay rise. Thanks to an increase… Today, I haven't slept for the third night in a row because my boyfriend has a uni essay to get in… Today, I spent 40 minutes bashing my manager to my mom and her boyfriend. Turns out my manager is a…