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disbejessica

Offline (the 04/01/2015 at 11:02pm) | Search for a member

disbejessica

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 90
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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disbejessica's page activity

Visits<b>j11a01</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 10:52am<b>olpally</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 1:02am

disbejessica's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

disbejessica's favorite FMLs

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

#21235982
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44908) - you deserved it (10861)

On 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

#21206881
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59591) - you deserved it (12582)

On 07/12/2014 at 10:00am - intimacy - by weeping_angel_ - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53155) - you deserved it (8257)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I feel massively depressed, but I can't talk to anyone about it as I'm British. FML

#21177849
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35811) - you deserved it (10071)

On 06/17/2014 at 8:26am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

#21030923
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40311) - you deserved it (7728)

On 01/17/2014 at 3:56pm - health - by sausages (man) - Macedonia (Karpos)

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

#21029770
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53036) - you deserved it (11929)

On 01/16/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

#21028949
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58703) - you deserved it (5209)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

#21024175
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46085) - you deserved it (5202)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:55am - love - by rollergirl13 - United States (Alaska)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

#21021758
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48869) - you deserved it (4691)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by loganHchrist - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

#21016204
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52832) - you deserved it (6031)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

#21010622
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48998) - you deserved it (4982)

On 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm - love - by smokecloud_ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44522) - you deserved it (5340)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

#1550190
364 comments

I agree, your life sucks (186048) - you deserved it (47393)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

#618909
382 comments

I agree, your life sucks (203300) - you deserved it (31731)

On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML

#169913
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (181695) - you deserved it (14664)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by xo_lezz (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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