Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

dinabear

Online | Search for a member

dinabear

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 235
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

dinabear's page activity

Visits<b>bigboi1992</b> - the 04/11/2014 at 1:19am<b>IloveToLaugh143</b> - the 10/27/2013 at 4:25pm<b>FimogenFeels</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 9:25pm

dinabear's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of dinabear's badges

dinabear's favorite FMLs

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38311) - you deserved it (6734)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML

#21315476
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39381) - you deserved it (2694)

On 12/11/2014 at 7:01am - love - by Brasilian29 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34473) - you deserved it (12327)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41105) - you deserved it (9530)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

#21240323
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43304) - you deserved it (9423) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/18/2014 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Degueusement (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52551) - you deserved it (6863)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40946) - you deserved it (13619)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, I had to take a splinter out of my eight year old son's penis. FML

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

#21218442
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51391) - you deserved it (11860)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

#21163612
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43035) - you deserved it (4503)

On 06/05/2014 at 4:11am - work - by unashamed - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

#21104594
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40092) - you deserved it (3255)

On 04/04/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by fuck you with a bacon cock (man) - United Kingdom (Moray)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43694) - you deserved it (6527)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

#20946325
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27664) - you deserved it (54649)

On 11/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Something I said? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44470) - you deserved it (5393)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: