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dijafe27's favorite FMLs
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML
by Agirl / 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by jesushelpme / 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML
by burn in hell / 09/25/2012 at 5:28pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML
by minibuch1505 / 09/21/2012 at 7:31am / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/14/2012 at 12:51pm / United States / Animals
by hahagirl / 09/12/2012 at 1:40am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by jon / 08/31/2012 at 5:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML
by DamnTornadoAlley / 08/30/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…
- Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could… Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to… Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It…