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dieselguy's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML
by justme / 11/02/2013 at 9:21am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML
by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML
by SwinginSolo / 03/26/2013 at 8:07am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
by valnaj1 / 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Intimacy
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML
by Tom / 08/17/2011 at 2:27pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
by Jackedup / 05/18/2011 at 3:57am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 5:43pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML
by Eeeek / 08/26/2010 at 5:17pm / Bulgaria (Varna) / Intimacy
by CheatedOn / 02/14/2010 at 10:19am / Romania (Cluj) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a little "fun" in our secluded backyard. It was only after we had finished that we noticed the three little girls, who live next door, jumping up and down on their trampoline, with their mouths wide open. FML
by Tattooed_Blonde / 01/20/2010 at 7:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…
- Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't… Today, I got an allergic reaction to Nair. It was so bad I had to have my girlfriend take me to the… Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him.…
- Today, I found my sister talking to her dolls. This would be fine if she wasn't 24, I have to live… Today, as I was telling people to please not pet the llama, said llama spit on the side of my face.… Today,my little brother invited all ten of his "closest" friends over while our mother was away. I…