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diaspora's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/05/2015 at 11:38pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
by dBLIZZARD / 11/04/2015 at 10:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by why / 11/03/2015 at 8:13pm / United States / Money
Today, my dad got dressed up in formal clothes, and I asked what the occasion was. He said he had a hot date, which would've been fine if he hadn't told me what was "on the menu", namely "wining, dining, sixty-nining". Thanks for that image. FML
by ew / 11/03/2015 at 10:43am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by 2pale / 11/01/2015 at 1:22pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML
by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML
by OhWhoCares / 08/17/2015 at 5:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by doodoobref / 07/31/2015 at 1:38am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by strangely / 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2015 at 4:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML
by father-in-nope / 07/21/2015 at 11:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after hours of waiting in line, I finally met my favorite band. After posing for a picture, I looked at my phone to find that instead of taking a picture with me and the band, my friend took selfies. FML
by simply_meeeee / 07/20/2015 at 11:10am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 2:49am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML
by Anonymous / 07/18/2015 at 11:45pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous
Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML
by henhouse / 07/18/2015 at 7:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy