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devislegend

Offline (the 01/06/2015 at 9:09pm) | Search for a member

devislegend

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devislegend's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

#21238351
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20992) - you deserved it (51128)

On 08/15/2014 at 5:35pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

#21237898
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35733) - you deserved it (10251)

On 08/15/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML

#21233183
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40266) - you deserved it (3862)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:50am - work - by muffins - United States (Maryland)

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

#21219507
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40145) - you deserved it (16720)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:23pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41674) - you deserved it (21430)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35262) - you deserved it (11534)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, every house in my neighborhood was vandalized. They skipped our house. Everybody thinks it was me. FML

#21209396
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52025) - you deserved it (3890)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:35pm - misc - by chloecamp - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I tried to impress my boyfriend by slowly backing up and biting my lip to get him to come closer and kiss me. I ended up smacking the back of my head against a brick wall. FML

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

#21192717
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21304) - you deserved it (55169)

On 06/29/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43093) - you deserved it (6145)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

#21179816
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41285) - you deserved it (4668)

On 06/18/2014 at 8:58pm - work - by Shannon - United States (Michigan)

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

#21137389
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60060) - you deserved it (5140)

On 05/12/2014 at 1:17am - kids - by kids -

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

#21133762
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38874) - you deserved it (20801)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had my teacher look over my essay before turning it in. He said it was extremely well-written, so I handed it in. When I got it back, the feedback he left said it was one of the worst essays he'd ever read. FML

#21115571
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49142) - you deserved it (4288)

On 04/17/2014 at 3:59pm - work - by badessaymyass (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

#21088237
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42702) - you deserved it (5859)

On 03/16/2014 at 3:28pm - health - by thanksdad (man) - Ireland (Dublin)



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