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desoto96's FML badges
100 kick ass comments
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desoto96's favorite FMLs
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
by still had to pay / 12/23/2012 at 4:36pm / Australia / Kids
by racking-leaves / 11/14/2012 at 2:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML
by cowgirl / 11/06/2012 at 12:42am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Ugggggggggg / 11/06/2012 at 12:11am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 9:09am / United States / Health
Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML
by Watchtower? More like fortress. / 10/19/2012 at 5:39pm / Norway (Oslo) / Miscellaneous
by not as scarred as he should be / 10/18/2012 at 2:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML
by AbandonedHouseWife / 10/17/2012 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML
by Anonymous / 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML
by Faker / 10/16/2012 at 5:44pm / United States / Health
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by fiftyno / 10/01/2012 at 11:02am / United States (Washington) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Intimacy
Today, I was trying to pass a lady with a stroller, when she nearly fell. I used my ninja-like reflexes to catch her. Too bad my ninja-like reflexes didn't block the punch that she delivered to my fap-stick for apparently being a "pervert" for saving her. FML
by CaptainSaveAHoe / 09/10/2012 at 8:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by BuspassBob / 09/10/2012 at 12:48pm / United States / Money
- Today, after struggling with Erectile dysfunction I finally got an erection while my wife was home,… Today, at my shop my nephew proudly told me he had just sold thousands of pounds of merchandise. I… Today, after finally learning to love my nose, my aunt gave me a list of plastic surgeons to check…