About dennis96411 : I like some good ol' fashioned FMLs. Keep 'em coming! :D
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dennis96411's favorite FMLs
Today, an American lady here in Ireland asked me if I was a Leprechaun. Thinking she was joking, and me being quite "vertically challenged," I decided to just say yes. She then grabbed me and made me endure photographs, cuddles and pats on the head from all her fellow tourists. FML
by SpilledWater93 / 03/09/2014 at 11:07pm / Ireland (Wicklow) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML
by Anonymous / 03/08/2014 at 6:13pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
by cunning glassist / 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by fuck off, eh! / 03/07/2014 at 4:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Jehovah God / 03/07/2014 at 1:51pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/07/2014 at 1:25pm / Philippines (Quezon City) / Miscellaneous
by v1k1rox / 03/05/2014 at 4:47pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, I was driving along when I noticed a kid struggling to push his car up the crest of a hill. I jumped out to help him, and he acted surprised to see me. Once we got the car over the hill, it rolled on down. I then saw that no one was actually in the driver's seat. I'd helped a vandal. FML
by Delanto / 02/06/2014 at 11:54am / United States / Miscellaneous
by australian6196 / 02/04/2014 at 9:36pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
by Anonomous / 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm / Jamaica (Saint Andrew) / Intimacy
Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML
by seizuregirl17 / 11/19/2013 at 10:00am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML
by crixon42 / 11/18/2013 at 6:39pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/26/2013 at 12:45pm / United States (Michigan) / Money
Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML
by 4_and_20_blackbits / 08/26/2013 at 4:38am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Miscellaneous
- Today, after months of hard training to reach my athletic goals and to help with body image issues,… Today, at work, my manager told me to bring the next car into the garage. As i was pulling around… Today, my younger sister is taller than me. I'm 5 years older than her, I am male, and I am 17. FML.