demonmonkey

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demonmonkey

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 710
  • Number of comments : 77
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About demonmonkey : I'm probably better than you. Accept it.

demonmonkey's page activity

Visits<b>meg0606</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 6:44am<b>junjunbun</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 5:43pm<b>ZGLH</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 9:37am<b>Allornone</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 11:06am<b>arioch</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 7:01pm<b>Princess_Eevee9</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 3:35pm<b>countryb_cth</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 4:04am<b>Sexomancer</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 11:19pm<b>ziul123</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 12:09pm<b>teejaycro</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 12:26am<b>ladykkay</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 1:46am<b>DovahShep</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 11:04am<b>One_Way</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 1:58pm<b>wdin</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 7:22am<b>JustinJK</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 11:56pm<b>Jarl_the_Elite</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 11:18pm<b>SystemofaBlink41</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 2:04pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 3:59pm

Fucked!<b>junjunbun</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 11:44pm

demonmonkey's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of demonmonkey's badges

demonmonkey's favorite FMLs

Today, I was quite drunk so I decided to take a piss kneeling down, so I wouldn't miss. I dropped the toilet seat on my little soldier. FML

by Cian_1 / 11/25/2013 at 6:22am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

by oops / 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

by bluerhhajfk / 08/19/2013 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

by shampoomice / 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

by Nicks / 07/03/2013 at 11:10am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

by blahblah / 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2013 at 1:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

by hinting / 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

by explanations / 06/14/2013 at 2:48am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Intimacy