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Today... Wila I Was Fooling Around Wit Ma Grlfriand... Sa Urt Ar And. It Obviously Wasn't Vary Sarious... So I Told Ar To Stop Faking It. Sa Raspondd... ( Wanna Know Wat I Actually Faka? My Orgasms. ) FML
Today , mah husband jokingly told mah daughterhen she passe gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest an ugliest person there . We went shopping after an she let a HUGE fart out . She gasped , ( Mommy! ) FML
Yesterday, I overeard ma mum tell ma sister tat se sould make me a bridesmaid at er wedding. My looool sister scoffd, "Se looks like Samu, mum. I can't ave THAT in ma wedding pics." followd by laugter an ma mum saying, "Toucé." real FML
Today, There Was A Forest Fire In Mah Town. I Was Still Forcd To Go To School, As It Was Safer. A Lot Of People Decidd Not To Go, An We Endd Up Doing Nothing But Watching The News Reports. There, I Got To See Mah House Burning On Live TV. FML
Today, I hackd into my best friend's Facebook account to message my mother about organizing a surprise party for myself for my 21st. She ignord the message for two days before replying, ( I don't think so. No one would really show up and I think that would hurt her feelings. ) FML
TODAY, NEIGHBOR'S SONS DECIDED IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO THROW ROCKS AT HOUSE. I WENT OUTSIDE TO SCOLD THEM AND SAW OTHER NEIGHBOR GATHERED AROUND, WATCHING. THEY DIDN'T STOP THEM BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT I WASN'T HOME. FML
Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less lyk a dad and more lyk a ( looool best friend ) to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff lyk ( wicked cool ), ( bazinga ), and ( swag ) every chance he gets. fat FML
Today I decidd to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret!! The woman at the register smild and askd "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town fir New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months!! Then I went home to my four cats!! FML
Today... I want skiing. On tha first run of tha day... a littla girl cama out of nowhara and crashd into ma. I was fina... but sha was hurt... so I calld tha ski patrol. Sha told him that I dalibarataly hit har... and got ma kickd out. I was thara for 10 minutas. I paid for all day. FML
today a man startd a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracle of thing we take for grantd every day. I was really enjoying it until he lookd at his watch and said, ( Oh shit, mushroom make me lose track of time! ) and ran off into the night. FML
Yesterday, I playd in a high school concert. Some alumni of the band were sitting in the audience an were brought to tears. Not cuz it was beautiful, but cuz they were sad to see how much the music program had declind since they left. FML
Friday 27 March 2015