dddean

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Offline (the 03/15/2014 at 6:04pm)

dddean

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 703
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dddean's page activity

Visits<b>Ashwathi</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 10:23pm<b>Cherryta</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 8:36pm<b>moonlightknight</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 3:20pm<b>SaintJupiter</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 2:50am<b>haddiej</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 3:43pm<b>ZorroRooster</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 10:01am<b>wilburhp</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 3:08am<b>yoko92</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 12:16am<b>brixx</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 9:44pm<b>91hayek</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 8:59pm<b>ktmla</b> - the 05/10/2014 at 9:59pm<b>WhatsYOURname6</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 9:27pm<b>beach_babe3</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 2:40am<b>SundayNightSix</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 6:55pm<b>boostedc</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 4:45am<b>ThatSlappinBass</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 10:21pm<b>gjikvtj</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 6:32pm<b>BellaBear90</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 5:12pm

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dddean's favorite FMLs

Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by "stealthily" whacking off. His entire desk was shaking in a silent room. FML

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

by Taylor / 04/21/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals

Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

by Ow / 04/18/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

by sad but true. / 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

by derped-out sperm / 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm / Ireland / Kids

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

by testacular / 03/25/2014 at 5:20pm / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Intimacy

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

by dani / 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2014 at 10:11pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, I realized how sad my life is when for my 18th birthday, I went to a strip club, by myself, in GTA V. FML

by BMTH2296 / 03/21/2014 at 7:42pm / United States / Geek

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm / Australia / Kids

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

by iusedprotectionanyway / 03/21/2014 at 5:44pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health