About darkestbarbie : My name is Emily, I live in Kennesaw, Ga. I am 23 years old. I love talking to people so message me.
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darkestbarbie's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 12:21pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 6:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by hopelessteej / 01/28/2013 at 8:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 4:13pm / United States / Work
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love
by rawr_fml001 / 05/11/2012 at 7:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous
by darkestbarbie / 04/05/2012 at 3:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by notsohappilyeverafter / 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
by MakeMeASandwich / 06/10/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2011 at 10:04am / United States / Intimacy
- Today, after leaving my workplace, I realized that I forgot some important work papers. When I went… Today, I realized I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Too bad he has never once made me… Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her…