Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

dandee_one

Online | Search for a member

dandee_one

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 664
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

dandee_one's page activity

Visits<b>False_Stupidity</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 6:15pm<b>EKDH</b> - the 12/30/2014 at 11:03pm<b>17031990</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 1:38pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 1:16pm<b>devildog562</b> - the 11/26/2014 at 11:56pm<b>ShadowOpsV4</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 11:56am<b>midnight_tiger</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 3:40pm<b>andy594328</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 6:33am<b>Welshite</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 4:28pm<b>BBlah</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 9:32pm<b>hereicomment</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 11:39pm<b>NotAWalnut</b> - the 04/25/2014 at 9:48pm<b>olpally</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 10:59pm<b>unicornhanna</b> - the 02/18/2014 at 4:44pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 12:55pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 12:07pm<b>varutha</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 10:42am<b>1PersonIsMyWorld</b> - the 12/07/2013 at 1:53pm

Liked!<b>False_Stupidity</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 12:15am

dandee_one's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of dandee_one's badges

dandee_one's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad and I were having a conversation about boneless chicken. He told me that they are raised boneless, going into detail, and I bought every word of it. Not until he started laughing did I realize how gullible I really am. I'm 22. FML

#21344889
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15215) - you deserved it (25549)

On 01/27/2015 at 12:43am - misc - by katrina2d (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to deal with numerous complaints about an employee washing their genitals in the communal bathroom sink. Nothing in the HR manual prepared me for this. FML

Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML

#21325704
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28614) - you deserved it (7171)

On 12/28/2014 at 4:07am - kids - by angryman -

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

#21313211
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37803) - you deserved it (3615)

On 12/07/2014 at 3:54pm - kids - by terdberglerforlyfe (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

#21306928
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36000) - you deserved it (3048)

On 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by Trainer Calypso - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

#21306857
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33866) - you deserved it (3196)

On 11/27/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

#21300835
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28747) - you deserved it (3449)

On 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

#21299443
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29674) - you deserved it (8035)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:25am - misc - by That_Indian_Guy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

#21295903
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37334) - you deserved it (5798)

On 11/10/2014 at 12:01am - intimacy - by annababyyyy - United States (Maryland)

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

#21290790
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36462) - you deserved it (5813)

On 11/02/2014 at 8:31pm - intimacy - by SelfServiced - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28599) - you deserved it (24009)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

#21285558
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40251) - you deserved it (8676)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:25am - intimacy - by soisblueballsdickhead (woman) - United States

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

#21265697
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30954) - you deserved it (5765)

On 09/26/2014 at 9:03am - work - by dicksonthebrain (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

#21258033
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31762) - you deserved it (18264)

On 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39275) - you deserved it (2574)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: