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da_kel95

Offline (the 08/26/2015 at 3:21am) | Search for a member

da_kel95

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 26 December 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 255
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About da_kel95 : Enlisted as infantry/ranger in the United States Army!! I ship to basic training in fort Benning Georgia on July 15, 2014. I listen to Five Finger Death Punch like its a religion!!

da_kel95's page activity

Visits<b>carilica</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 10:03pm<b>w0nd3rl4nd</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 4:00am<b>delilablue95</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 10:57pm<b>froggyjade</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 4:34pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 12:24pm

da_kel95's FML badges

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of da_kel95's badges

da_kel95's favorite FMLs

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

#21131587
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50942) - you deserved it (17143)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

#21127339
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42009) - you deserved it (5282)

On 04/30/2014 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47982) - you deserved it (35129)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend asked why I never let him go down on me. I told him that it doesn't do much for me, even though it really does. I didn't have the courage to tell him that it's because he acts like a rabid dog when he does. FML

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

#21020996
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62309) - you deserved it (27063)

On 01/08/2014 at 12:43am - intimacy - by gottacatchemall (woman) - United States

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

#21001045
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55665) - you deserved it (16006)

On 12/22/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

#20584918
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50850) - you deserved it (10901)

On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

#20584796
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40874) - you deserved it (18717)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

#20486562
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50871) - you deserved it (3846) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by dr mamour - Sent from mobile version

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

#20406748
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36270) - you deserved it (20265)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ayye_its_nikki - United States (Texas)

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

#20170605
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15061) - you deserved it (34125)

On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

#20169456
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35250) - you deserved it (5162)

On 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by wow babe - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34128) - you deserved it (6864)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

#19703392
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38396) - you deserved it (9056)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Brax (man) - United States

Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML

#16577397
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37212) - you deserved it (6705)

On 06/09/2011 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Patrick R - United States (Texas)



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