Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cyanidesandwich

Offline (yesterday at 11:16pm) | Search for a member

cyanidesandwich

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 8 November 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4148
  • Number of comments : 236
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

About cyanidesandwich : I am an awesome guy to be around, i love this site and play some if Kixeye's facebook games in my spare time. I am also proud to say that i have seen both two girls one cup and the BME Pain olympics back to back. ( the first didnt bother me at all, but the second was kind of hard to watch)

cyanidesandwich's page activity

Visits<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 12:38pm<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 5:55pm<b>cmonger</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 6:45pm<b>Dynosaur_dollie</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 9:20am<b>arano</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 7:31pm<b>mibs3</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 2:13pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 1:37pm<b>Driving_Gaming</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 6:09am<b>Acerhawk</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 1:11am<b>raevend</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 7:07am<b>gregsgirlfriend</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 9:06am<b>Star1398</b> - the 01/09/2015 at 11:18am<b>Ranch_Dressing</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 2:04am<b>allyiscute1</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 10:23am<b>abattior</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 4:38am<b>jshakd642</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 6:32pm<b>DaRooster333</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 10:10pm<b>CTPope74</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 9:24am

Fucked!<b>iceskata</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 10:39pm<b>Rhinocerus</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 5:33am

cyanidesandwich's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of cyanidesandwich's badges

cyanidesandwich's favorite FMLs

Today, I puked up a centipede. FML

#16126004
252 comments

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

#16074880
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13511) - you deserved it (57282)

On 05/07/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I dreamed that I was kidnapped by Charlie Sheen. FML

#15912541
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31245) - you deserved it (11551)

On 04/24/2011 at 9:10pm - misc - by woahitbechels - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

#15846054
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46499) - you deserved it (5702)

On 04/19/2011 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was in IKEA when my friends and I thought it would be fun to play hide and seek. We all hid; I was in a good hiding spot. Half an hour later, I was still there. I texted my friends to see where they were. They all left to see a movie, and forgot about me. FML

#15616654
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35285) - you deserved it (12181)

On 04/03/2011 at 3:11am - misc - by Nicole - United States

Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

#15616538
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19428) - you deserved it (53458)

On 04/03/2011 at 3:02am - misc - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML

#15613942
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49669) - you deserved it (5872)

On 04/03/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by cantgetup (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

#15583575
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25292) - you deserved it (32342)

On 04/01/2011 at 12:32am - love - by Anonymous - United States

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

#15415559
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38530) - you deserved it (32118)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML

#14908129
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32089) - you deserved it (7322)

On 02/09/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by PrestonW -

Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML

#14248345
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31721) - you deserved it (3610)

On 12/18/2010 at 2:14pm - love - by asdfghjkl (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

#7913686
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23522) - you deserved it (8784)

On 02/05/2010 at 7:50pm - animals - by doggie_doo_face (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that if you let your son install a new shower head, he won't tighten it properly. So when you turn the shower on, it will shoot out at rocket speed, hitting you in the face. Then when you grab the shower handle to prevent yourself falling backwards, you will just rip that out and hit your head again. FML

#5858229
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33285) - you deserved it (4850)

On 10/16/2009 at 10:38pm - misc - by Ndanick1193 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML

#5839165
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22666) - you deserved it (2380)

On 10/15/2009 at 2:16am - animals - by birdhater (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went out drinking with a female friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, She said 'Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?'. Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy at the bar. FML

#4356438
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45999) - you deserved it (4956)

On 08/07/2009 at 5:43am - love - by ineedanotherdrink (man) - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: