About cyanidesandwich : I am an awesome guy to be around, i love this site and play some if Kixeye's facebook games in my spare time. I am also proud to say that i have seen both two girls one cup and the BME Pain olympics back to back. ( the first didnt bother me at all, but the second was kind of hard to watch)
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cyanidesandwich's favorite FMLs
Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML
by thatsasquee / 05/21/2011 at 2:42am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML
by lionhead14 / 05/20/2011 at 3:05pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML
by Max Flynn / 05/20/2011 at 6:07am / Miscellaneous
by Bobby M / 05/16/2011 at 12:33pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Health
Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML
by Jackassed / 05/12/2011 at 1:53pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by vaalcrawford / 05/11/2011 at 12:59am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML
by Anon / 05/07/2011 at 2:08am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Intimacy
by woahitbechels / 04/24/2011 at 9:10pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 11:06am / United States (South Carolina) / Kids
Today, I was in IKEA when my friends and I thought it would be fun to play hide and seek. We all hid; I was in a good hiding spot. Half an hour later, I was still there. I texted my friends to see where they were. They all left to see a movie, and forgot about me. FML
by Nicole / 04/03/2011 at 3:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
by JJMan217 / 04/03/2011 at 3:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by cantgetup / 04/03/2011 at 12:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/01/2011 at 12:32am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
by PrestonW / 02/09/2011 at 10:53am / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…