Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cyanidesandwich

Offline (7 hours ago) | Search for a member

cyanidesandwich

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 8 November 1996 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4723
  • Number of comments : 237
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

About cyanidesandwich : I am an awesome guy to be around, i love this site and play some if Kixeye's facebook games in my spare time. I am also proud to say that i have seen both two girls one cup and the BME Pain olympics back to back. ( the first didnt bother me at all, but the second was kind of hard to watch)

cyanidesandwich's page activity

Visits<b>Njunge</b> - 14 hours ago<b>TSFboy</b> - the 12/22/2015 at 10:35pm<b>Ladiesman679</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 11:35pm<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 11:01am<b>Duhitstori</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 11:58am<b>aelabed</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 6:24pm<b>djfiggz58</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 5:19pm<b>Plastinate</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 7:10am<b>dontmindme7</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 10:27pm<b>BestOrginalName</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 9:08pm<b>Jkalia</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 9:38am<b>thesteamygamer</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 7:39pm<b>colinabi</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 10:58am<b>NerdyTherapist</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 7:21am<b>pilgrimjennifer</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 7:26am<b>domogalcx</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 11:48pm<b>left_4_egg</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 10:55pm<b>sydniew2001</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 9:10am

Fucked!<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 3:34am<b>iceskata</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 10:39pm<b>Rhinocerus</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 5:33am

cyanidesandwich's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of cyanidesandwich's badges

cyanidesandwich's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in English when I had to use the bathroom. As I was signing out, the teacher said "Don't forget the hall pass!" It was a plunger. I have to walk across my school with a plunger. FML

#17645605
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26678) - you deserved it (4998)

On 09/02/2011 at 4:44pm - misc - by d0rk_ - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

#17586114
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35540) - you deserved it (5890)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

#17564993
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41426) - you deserved it (3578)

On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
412 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34314) - you deserved it (6201)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38434) - you deserved it (10284)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

#17450169
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34053) - you deserved it (4793)

On 08/12/2011 at 1:25pm - misc - by Coldsnap - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

#17447833
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46878) - you deserved it (6836)

On 08/12/2011 at 3:44am - animals - by squishylog - United States (California)

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

#17447180
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35707) - you deserved it (4637)

On 08/12/2011 at 2:17am - misc - by TuteSweet - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
379 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57623) - you deserved it (3566)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

#17288332
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34940) - you deserved it (2939)

On 07/28/2011 at 4:37pm - health - by shroooms (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

#17231826
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45180) - you deserved it (3062)

On 07/23/2011 at 5:27pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

#17172932
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44826) - you deserved it (6674)

On 07/19/2011 at 2:24am - kids - by hatemylife - United States (New York)

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

#17156963
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41338) - you deserved it (3603)

On 07/18/2011 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

#17156963
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41338) - you deserved it (3603)

On 07/18/2011 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

#16304417
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23657) - you deserved it (45803)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:58pm - misc - by lemonhead -



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: