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cwl727's favorite FMLs
Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML
by Arthur / 05/07/2014 at 3:16pm / United States / Kids
by melmel / 05/05/2014 at 1:07am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 3:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 10:04am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
by gircos / 04/29/2014 at 8:10pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/28/2014 at 10:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
by Almost_Homeless / 04/23/2014 at 8:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Not-pregnant / 04/20/2014 at 1:21pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my crazily elitist parents were so desperate to get me to dump my fiancé that they threatened to divorce if I didn't. When I told them to go ahead, they bitched me out for being disrespectful. FML
by reb / 04/19/2014 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Love
Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML
by fuckyouharddad / 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML
by cricha4208 / 04/15/2014 at 10:01am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, my nephews discovered how to trick my washing machine into starting up while the door is still open. My laundry room is now flooded, and their mom refuses to accept any responsibility for it. FML
by MisterGasMoney / 04/13/2014 at 1:08pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML
by worker666 / 04/13/2014 at 10:51am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 04/12/2014 at 1:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML
by voyagevoyage / 04/09/2014 at 6:38pm / France (Centre) / Miscellaneous