crystalxa

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crystalxa

4Fucked!

crystalxacrystalxa
  • Town/Country : Grand Rapids, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 January 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6512
  • Number of comments : 185
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About crystalxa : Tom Hardy. That is all.

crystalxa's page activity

Visits<b>holymacabre</b> - the 05/11/2016 at 9:17pm<b>CogadhTallon</b> - the 05/11/2016 at 4:21pm<b>kemosabe4201</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 3:28pm<b>HellsPrincess</b> - the 04/24/2016 at 10:46am<b>Role448</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 9:18am<b>TimothyB</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 7:41pm<b>amandahern</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 12:42am<b>balboa_2</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 9:25pm<b>mike33333</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 10:43pm<b>HighlandShadows</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:15pm<b>jill97</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 3:21am<b>chr1sF</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 11:28am<b>Cortezthe1st</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 7:00pm<b>riversong2000</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 3:14pm<b>MeAustin</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 4:37pm<b>chrisbnot</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 10:09pm<b>Dull_lightbulb</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:47pm<b>Anynomusisme</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 11:34pm

Fucked!<b>HighlandShadows</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 12:15am<b>Lesser</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 8:22am<b>rogwest</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 1:45am<b>Zoey_M</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 7:22pm

crystalxa's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of crystalxa's badges

crystalxa's favorite FMLs

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2015 at 5:32am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

by Ma_Nikka / 07/23/2015 at 3:00pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2015 at 10:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

by Evra / 04/16/2015 at 1:04am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML

by NotALuckyGuy / 04/07/2015 at 12:19pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

by fuck right off / 04/04/2015 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Health

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

by { o } / 03/22/2015 at 1:41pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML

by mafille / 03/18/2015 at 11:22pm / France / Kids

Today, one of the guys I work with ran his finger down the back of my shirt and said, "Just checking to see if you're wearing a bra today". FML

by SteamyPenguin / 03/13/2015 at 11:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML

by dorianseiji / 03/11/2015 at 4:37pm / France (Picardie) / Kids

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I had to sit and smile as a drunk lady ranted about how body hair on a woman is disgusting and unfeminine, then in the next breath say that only pedos like women who shave their vaginas. That's the last time I ever have dinner with my boyfriend's parents. FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2015 at 11:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

by MDoremis / 02/23/2015 at 11:58pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that, due to the walls at my uni dorm being ridiculously thin, my entire flat overheard me lose my virginity. Spanking and all. FML

by Orgasmataz / 01/25/2015 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy