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cryptic26's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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cryptic26's favorite FMLs
Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2015 at 11:34am / Ireland / Health
by fredfredburger / 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I went to spend my last $50 on gas, since I get paid in 5 days. I paid for the gas and stepped into the restroom briefly. I came out, only to discover that the attendant had put the gas on the wrong pump, and someone had used it for themselves. My tank is empty. FML
by ItsJustMe1616 / 06/15/2014 at 1:13am / United States / Money
Today, I decided to face one of my fears. I've never had a birthday party, out of fear that nobody would come. I sent out a mass text inviting people out for my birthday, trying to sound casual. The only replies I received were along the lines of "Who the hell's this?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/30/2014 at 10:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by lonely_island / 04/28/2014 at 5:27pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML
by lamemom / 04/05/2014 at 6:05pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Kids
by wiona / 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
by bringthemback / 03/29/2014 at 6:34am / United States (South Carolina) / Work
Today, at my job as a bouncer at a music venue, a guy got his nose broken in a rowdy mosh pit. When I went to help him up and see if he was okay, he said, "It was an accident, please don't kick me out," but the word "please" came out as a hot spray of his blood across my face. FML
by ColoradoGirl420 / 03/24/2014 at 2:53pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, I was making a special birthday delivery for a customer. As I handed her the fruit basket, I said, "Hey, we have the same birthday! Happy birthday!" She called me an attention whore and slammed the door in my face. FML
by Ma_Nikka / 03/19/2014 at 9:38pm / United States (California) / Work
by IMAWAKE / 03/17/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went outside at 9am in my boxer shorts to get my mail in my garden. I'd put a shoe in the door to keep the door jammed open, but when I ran back, my dog had the shoe in his mouth and all the doors and windows were closed. FML
by gnafron / 12/31/2013 at 6:30am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Animals
Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML
by heightdifference / 11/28/2013 at 11:34am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by :/ / 11/05/2013 at 4:01pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by roundtherose / 10/12/2013 at 9:59pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous