cricket266

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Offline (the 12/03/2015 at 12:30am)

cricket266

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 6 April 1974 (42 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 829
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cricket266 : hey its me cricket ... just an average guy in an average world having an amazingly average time :)

cricket266's page activity

Visits<b>tin_cup</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 12:35am<b>TheLastCenturion</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 12:04am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 2:17am<b>Supersid333</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 3:39pm<b>omgitsmoe</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 3:13pm<b>demix</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 7:00pm<b>Greatsoulme</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 8:51am<b>pl0xs3rver</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 7:42am<b>duckman9</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 2:25am<b>Steffi3</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 2:08am<b>XcuzimsotiredX</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 6:51pm<b>tmc8907</b> - the 12/02/2014 at 11:48pm<b>SirAnon</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 11:17pm<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 10:27pm<b>greeneyebeauty9</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 6:58am<b>JessicaRenee95</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 9:14am<b>christian2234</b> - the 12/18/2013 at 12:10am<b>haylburg</b> - the 11/24/2013 at 7:08pm

cricket266's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of cricket266's badges

cricket266's favorite FMLs

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

by oops / 09/26/2015 at 10:24pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying "Hey there." She quickly replied, assuring me that she's not cheating on me. Uh, okay. FML

by is_that_right / 12/27/2014 at 2:14pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

by Dirty_Mind_69 / 07/20/2013 at 4:35am / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML

by ohhdear.___. / 03/26/2012 at 10:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

by mrricecakes / 03/23/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

by ReallyBro / 03/21/2012 at 3:27am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

by unendowed / 03/17/2012 at 10:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML

by scully11 / 08/02/2011 at 2:36pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

by Katrina / 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 5:28pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

by fulloshit / 11/27/2010 at 9:17pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked into my home office and said F*** you! Then she ran to my husband and said "Did I say it right?" FML

by Ashley Marshburn / 10/17/2010 at 9:55am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I was driving to my company picnic with 85 lbs of meat in the back seat, and 1 gallon of homemade BBQ sauce and mustard in large pans riding shotgun. As I drove down a steep hill, the BBQ sauce pan slid forward, hit the glove box and exploded in my front seat. FML

by Username / 09/26/2010 at 8:50pm / Transportation