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crdavis93's favorite FMLs
Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML
by Anonymous / 02/04/2013 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/25/2013 at 12:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML
by awkwardturtle / 01/25/2013 at 12:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML
by Bella / 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML
Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML
by no sleep for me / 01/08/2013 at 2:44am / Miscellaneous
by marisa / 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Love
by wtf / 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm / United States / Health
by mdg / 12/04/2012 at 12:16pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML
by notalovestory / 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
by CutestBoysEver / 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 3:54am / South Africa / Miscellaneous
by darawbs / 09/09/2012 at 8:39pm / United States / Work
by PuddlePirate / 09/07/2012 at 12:23pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
- Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently… Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our… Today, I woke up finding out I had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend.…