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crazyval619's favorite FMLs
by Nic / 07/22/2010 at 12:46pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, my cat brought yet another chipmunk into our house. She never kills them, so they stay in our house until we either capture them or they escape. So far, she's brought in three squirrels, four chipmunks, four mice, and a snake. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2010 at 3:11pm / United States (Montana) / Animals
Today, I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and he couldn't keep his hands off me. Nothing to complain about when your boyfriend likes to touch you, right? Except when he keeps smacking your jiggly thighs to watch the ripples and 'tenderize the pork chops'. FML
by porkythighs / 12/27/2009 at 9:19am / Singapore / Love
by Anonymous / 12/26/2009 at 10:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by BathroomMuch / 12/25/2009 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my 25 year old brother ran into my room very excited at 8am. "Wake up! We got a new puppy!" he told me. I was so excited so I jumped out of my warm bed. When I asked him if he was serious he said "No, but we have to go to church, so get dressed." FML
by MessyMal / 12/25/2009 at 10:30am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by ScarredForLife / 12/25/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML
by prince-charming / 11/07/2009 at 5:12am / Kuwait / Work
by clueless / 10/29/2009 at 12:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was fired from the babysitting job I have had for 2 years. I thought maybe the mother had found out that I sometimes let her kids stay up late and have extra sweets. The real reason, as she told me, was that she didn't want her kids loving anyone more than they love her. FML
by babysitter93 / 07/22/2009 at 8:17am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML
by Barista / 07/05/2009 at 1:21am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
by Flicker / 05/14/2009 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Em / 04/30/2009 at 12:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I help myself to a piece of a cake brought by guests at a birthday party. I don't like it much so I discreetly attempt to give it to the girl next to me. I ask her "Do you want some? It's sort of disgusting." She replies: "Thanks, I made it." FML
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…