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crazycookiecr's favorite FMLs
by sirradel / 08/19/2013 at 7:15pm / United States / Love
by hairless by death / 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
by idonteven / 08/12/2013 at 4:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 7:10am / Latvia (Jelgavas) / Health
Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML
by um... what the fuck, miss? / 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/02/2013 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML
by turning red / 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of over a year has been cheating on me the whole time, but that "it's just physical". However, he doesn't want to do anything "physical" with me, except cuddle when we're together. FML
by heartbroken / 07/10/2013 at 3:08pm / Australia / Love
Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML
by realitybites / 07/08/2013 at 1:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/03/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML
by Anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 1:24am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML
by Anonymous / 06/30/2013 at 6:58am / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML
by joe / 06/23/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids
Today, whilst trying on wedding dresses with my mom, she told me that I looked fat and awful in the dress I liked. When I told her how hurtful she was being, she told me that I should be grateful that she told me what she thought instead of laughing at me behind my back. FML
by mysea8679 / 06/12/2013 at 6:09pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran the mile in gym class. I was the second to last person to finish, and I was left panting and feeling faint. When the teacher found out I hadn't come in dead last, he accused me of skipping a lap and is now making me rerun the entire thing. FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2013 at 10:56am / United States / Miscellaneous