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cr4ckb0n3f4n

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cr4ckb0n3f4n
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 3834
  • Number of comments : 99
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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cr4ckb0n3f4n's favorite FMLs

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13831) - you deserved it (49688)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27720) - you deserved it (2913)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

#17364293
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36972) - you deserved it (3498)

On 08/04/2011 at 4:30am - love - by Anon (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

#14961230
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37841) - you deserved it (8139)

On 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm - intimacy - by Katrina (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

#14242340
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19071) - you deserved it (79167)

On 12/18/2010 at 12:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML

#13287262
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25874) - you deserved it (2895)

On 10/02/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

#13284441
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37868) - you deserved it (4070)

On 10/02/2010 at 1:07am - kids - by notsoonenufdeparted - United States (California)

Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML

#13145011
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47430) - you deserved it (3269)

On 09/21/2010 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML

Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter was kind of cute, so I had to say something non-standard. When she greeted me with her hello, I replied "Guess what I need from you today?" She looked at me, considered, and replied "An eyebrow wax?" FML

#6118642
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6559) - you deserved it (25917)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, working my pizza delivery job, I got a $45 parking ticket for parking in a no stopping zone. I argued with the bylaw enforcement officer, but no luck. I was so pissed, I yelled at him: "You have the worst job in the world", to which he replied: " Buddy, you deliver pizza!" FML

#5876568
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7987) - you deserved it (44829)

On 10/18/2009 at 9:39am - work - by nick (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was in a fancy department store. I was wearing my travel backpack. I was turning around after paying at the checkout and my backpack hit a metre-tall display covered with necklaces. It went crashing to the floor, hitting another display table laden with jewelry that collapsed under it. FML

#5736193
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23135) - you deserved it (9090)

On 10/09/2009 at 5:46am - misc - by two-hours-to-pick-up (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, waiting for the bus, this creepy guy in the terminal kept staring at me. Feeling creeped out, I started walking, knowing I could pick up the bus down the street. When the bus drove up, it was almost completely full and the only open seat was next to the creepy dude from the bus station. FML

Today, during our championship field hockey game, my mouthguard fell into a mass of geese poop. The referee made me put it back in my mouth. FML

#5451406
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46525) - you deserved it (4040)

On 09/24/2009 at 6:10pm - work - by ewewew (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

#3932433
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50402) - you deserved it (26092)

On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)



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