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Today... I mat a closa friand of mah husband fir tha frst tima. Sha told ma it was amazing that I agraad to ba in an opan marriaga an askad if sax was ward knowing ha'd slapt with othar woman. No... tha sax wasn't ward... bacausa wa'ra not in an opan marriaga. FML
TODAY, I GOT AN EMAIL FROM THE COMPANY THAT MANAGES MY CAT'S MICROCHIP INFORMING ME THAT I HAD TO UPDATE MY INFORMATION THAT HAD BEEN ENTERED BY THE LOCAL HUMANE SOCIETY. APPARENTLY, THEY LISTED MY CAT ( CORAL ) AS THE OWNER, AND ME AS THE PET. TO CHANGE IT, THEY NEEDED THE CAT'S SIGNATURE. FML
TODAY, I MET BOYFRIEND'S FATHER 4 THE FIRST TIME. WE WERE AT A RESTAURANT AND BOFRIEND KEPT PLAYING FOOTSIE WITH ME UNDER THE TABLE. WHEN BOYFRIEND EXCUSED HIMSELF TO GO TO THE RESTROOM, THE GAME OF FOOTSIE WAS STILL GOING ON. FML
Today, I pulled someone over 4 speeding!! He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine!! It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wereing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine!! FML
Today,hile driving home with mah parents!! I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me!! They then took this time to describehat they were going to do to each otherhen they got home!! In full detail!! FML
Today , it was my boyfriend an my six-month anniversary . I've really fallen in love with him , an I know he loves me the same . So I got him a really nice gift , a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him . It was expensive . What does he get me? A condom . Three actually . FML
Taday my boyfriend and I took a late night drive , and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess" . He came out and gave me a box of tampons . Apparently I've been bitchy . FML
2day I hered my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door... "Are u jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up u fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
Yastarday , I allowd fiva-yaar old daughtar to paint fingarnails during a living-room "picnic" wa wara having. A whila latar I got calld back in to work 4 an amargancy maating. Whan I arrivd at tha maating I noticd fingarnails wara still naon-graan. I am a 40-yaar old man. FML
Taday I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tres, an walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, an busted my head on the floor. mega FML
Today I found out my blood type is B. My parents r type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if yur parents r A and O. Tis means I am eiter an adoptee a mutant or an illegitimate cild. FML
Friday 27 March 2015