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cookiesFTW

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cookiesFTW
  • Town/Country : Ontario, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1590
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cookiesFTW : Hello everyone!! I like to come on this site to read Fmls when I'm bored. I have good sense of humor, I'm really friendly and love cats. I do have hearing aids but that doesn't make me any different than anyone else.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk.

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cookiesFTW's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

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cookiesFTW's favorite FMLs

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

#19687715
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16811) - you deserved it (1964)

On 05/27/2012 at 9:20am - work - by straightlyconfused - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went into my classroom to find a bag of shit on my desk with a note saying, "Thanks for failing me b*tch!" FML

#19670939
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19170) - you deserved it (6385)

On 05/24/2012 at 12:59am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML

#19669022
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14631) - you deserved it (6440)

On 05/23/2012 at 6:50pm - misc - by Shopper (woman) - United States

Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when the driver stopped, but I managed to catch her. Five minutes later, the same thing happened to me. The old lady tried to help me, but I lost my balance and pulled her skirt down. FML

#19667338
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21262) - you deserved it (1841)

On 05/23/2012 at 11:52am - misc - by alexo - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

#19664729
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21965) - you deserved it (3683)

On 05/22/2012 at 9:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML

#19662623
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15911) - you deserved it (1574)

On 05/22/2012 at 2:42pm - misc - by fuq (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my wardrobe door jammed, and I couldn't change out into some nice clothes for my date. On the way there, my car broke down. Not wanting to be late and make a bad impression, I scuttled the rest of the way, only to find I'd been stood up. FML

#19647368
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24710) - you deserved it (1647)

On 05/19/2012 at 3:50pm - misc - by cheesfactor (woman) - Bulgaria (Ruse)

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

#19607447
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10685) - you deserved it (18499)

On 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm - love - by cockblocked (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

#19598772
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10290) - you deserved it (34853)

On 05/09/2012 at 6:19pm - intimacy - by polimeros (man) - Mexico (Queretaro de Arteaga)

Today, I corrected someone who spelled "learned" as "learnt" on my favorite forum. Nothing could've prepared me for the torrent of abuse that followed from the non-American members. Now I'm banned for "trolling," and all my 7,000+ posts since 2006 are gone forever. FML

#19593515
454 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11843) - you deserved it (32169)

On 05/08/2012 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

#19592298
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28072) - you deserved it (2843)

On 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm - misc - by wtf is wrong with my country (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave birth to our first child. Our nurse was the lady I had a one night stand with 3 nights ago, and yes she remembered me. FML

#19584401
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11954) - you deserved it (160272)

On 05/06/2012 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by T3STI (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend gave birth to our first child. Our nurse was the lady I had a one night stand with 3 nights ago, and yes she remembered me. FML

#19584401
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11954) - you deserved it (160272)

On 05/06/2012 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by T3STI (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

#19583870
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32416) - you deserved it (3053)

On 05/06/2012 at 8:13pm - intimacy - by madseason (man) - United States

Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML

#19572615
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13837) - you deserved it (2608)

On 05/04/2012 at 10:34am - misc - by UnderConstruction (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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