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conman531

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conman531

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 31 May 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1040
  • Number of comments : 204
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 19 posted

About conman531 : I'm a home brewer looking to be a brew master! I love making beer! It's an art form if you ask me

conman531's page activity

Visits<b>rackyjr</b> - yesterday at 10:42pm<b>sam882</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 3:51pm<b>PrinPrinLife</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 5:58am<b>Scheffy213</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 5:45pm<b>sexymomo1234</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 5:09pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 4:16pm<b>ProfessorMctitie</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 3:47pm<b>Yorih17</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 2:42pm<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 1:59pm<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 1:32pm<b>xninix</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 12:59pm<b>A07</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 11:53am<b>Anomalymous</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 7:28pm<b>thedeepshit</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 4:22am<b>epicscootybooty</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 12:01pm<b>Mossygirl357</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 7:18pm<b>mystery_user</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 4:59pm<b>bertanator</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 10:05pm

Liked!<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:00pm

conman531's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of conman531's badges

conman531's favorite FMLs

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38298) - you deserved it (3297)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

#21015673
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46262) - you deserved it (4971)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

#21015630
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36813) - you deserved it (11945)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by thanks.... (man) - United States

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

#20779714
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52117) - you deserved it (4295)

On 07/13/2013 at 10:32am - misc - by speechless - United States (Indiana)

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

#20727456
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40140) - you deserved it (3719)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68168) - you deserved it (19314)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The day before, I was too anxious to eat anything, so I went in with an empty stomach. There were complications during the extraction and now I'm not allowed to eat for the next 24 hours. FML

#15873960
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31009) - you deserved it (9137)

On 04/21/2011 at 2:18pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

#15871718
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33215) - you deserved it (9489)

On 04/21/2011 at 9:55am - love - by Username -

Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML

#15870372
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28279) - you deserved it (11816)

On 04/21/2011 at 5:30am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

#15870197
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25630) - you deserved it (3143)

On 04/21/2011 at 4:33am - misc - by gutted (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML

#15867292
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29253) - you deserved it (11808)

On 04/20/2011 at 11:24pm - misc - by embarassed (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

#9407867
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35476) - you deserved it (5994)

On 03/26/2010 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by Haley. - United States (Arizona)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
509 comments

I agree, your life sucks (240572) - you deserved it (82295)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)



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