Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3561
  • Number of comments : 167
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 42 posted

About colton_colton : No, the girl is not my kid, she's someone I watched at my church VBS, but i do love her :)

colton_colton's page activity

Visits<b>lemonless</b> - 17 hours ago<b>Mukuro</b> - 18 hours ago<b>cutycat136</b> - 19 hours ago<b>DamnBailie</b> - 20 hours ago<b>sam882</b> - 20 hours ago<b>shibi</b> - yesterday at 11:54pm<b>AirBusDriver</b> - yesterday at 11:47am<b>f36k</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 2:19pm<b>seetei</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 11:54am<b>horrorbabe1408</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 1:56am<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 7:30pm<b>jinxy333</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 4:04pm<b>PrinceOfBritain</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 10:48pm<b>arasx0</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 4:40pm<b>mollyelizabeth95</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 2:21pm<b>FaguIous</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 9:54am<b>rainingnutella</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 7:07am<b>mirbear</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 2:20am

Liked!<b>horrorbabe1408</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 6:57am<b>FaguIous</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 2:54pm<b>kikoma</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 10:47pm<b>latinablanca</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 7:32pm<b>Epickitty58</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 1:55am<b>mandygrl25</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 3:42pm<b>kawaii_orange_</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 3:22am<b>saraitkddh</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 10:59pm<b>ksks1234</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 7:28am<b>dakatabg</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 4:42am<b>phantomofmind</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 1:59am<b>PtitPoussinBleu</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 11:14pm<b>annarcheer</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 3:48am<b>insanecutie</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 8:39pm<b>Steve95401</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 8:02pm<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 3:28pm<b>missa8604</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 5:43am<b>Acerhawk</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 3:47am

colton_colton's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.


You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

See all of colton_colton's badges

colton_colton's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML


I agree, your life sucks (75458) - you deserved it (3571)

On 07/29/2009 at 3:32pm - love - by imscrewed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriends house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML


I agree, your life sucks (11615) - you deserved it (54139)

On 07/13/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by Matt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46410) - you deserved it (21792)

On 07/12/2009 at 4:59am - misc - by whatrights - United States (California)

Today, I was skating with my friends and I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was "Look out!" I am now with twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53952) - you deserved it (8325)

On 07/06/2009 at 2:49am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML


I agree, your life sucks (78355) - you deserved it (11903)

On 06/24/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by creeped_out_ - United States (Kansas)

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML


I agree, your life sucks (56065) - you deserved it (6612)

On 06/22/2009 at 9:32am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML


I agree, your life sucks (83887) - you deserved it (3973)

On 06/13/2009 at 11:13am - misc - by Toothy_Peg (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. FML


I agree, your life sucks (65485) - you deserved it (6652)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML


I agree, your life sucks (11364) - you deserved it (53395)

On 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Tyler_Padgett (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML


I agree, your life sucks (374568) - you deserved it (19023)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom told me to follow her car closely to my aunt's house. I kept really close to her which caused me to get pulled over for tailgating. I explained everything to the cop so he went over to my mom to see if that was the truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML


I agree, your life sucks (74760) - you deserved it (4991)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by newdriver (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: