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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6768
  • Number of comments : 181
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 47 posted

About colton_colton : No, the girl is not my kid, she's someone I watched at my church VBS, but i do love her :)
Feel free to message me, i usually always answer.

colton_colton's page activity

Visits<b>BandGeek4Lyfe</b> - the 10/03/2016 at 11:34pm<b>ER1C</b> - the 09/28/2016 at 11:29pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 09/16/2016 at 7:51pm<b>matalemu</b> - the 07/13/2016 at 6:35am<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 07/10/2016 at 5:22am<b>Oliveisthenewora</b> - the 07/08/2016 at 2:27pm<b>annoyedperson</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 11:40am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 8:01pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 05/14/2016 at 4:08pm<b>george_s_4</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 7:07am<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 5:46am<b>Asters_Blooming</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 6:48am<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 12:09am<b>SocialAmethyst</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 10:48pm<b>CatMuffin</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 9:19am<b>coolhihi11</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 11:10pm<b>Sevichay</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 5:43am<b>oOMissBelleOo</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 2:17am

Fucked!<b>BandGeek4Lyfe</b> - the 10/04/2016 at 5:34am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 2:01am<b>CatMuffin</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 3:18pm<b>wafflelover</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 5:51pm<b>whybrowhy</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 6:08am<b>maddie_xo</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 3:34pm<b>jadeluv</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 10:34am<b>Bethaneey</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 5:17am<b>SourPatchTeen</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:12am<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 4:32pm<b>Myorafield</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 2:48pm<b>Hilda_x</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 1:49pm<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 6:03am<b>maheen_khan</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 5:34pm<b>kitkat818</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 9:56am<b>courtneylynn2464</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 4:29am<b>rookworst</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 10:02pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 5:19am

colton_colton's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.


You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

See all of colton_colton's badges

colton_colton's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

by Stuby14 / 11/23/2015 at 9:31am / United States (South Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 7:46pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I had to explain to a police officer that I wasn't drunk and had swerved because I was eating pie and almost dropped it. FML

by not as easy as pie / 10/16/2015 at 12:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

by horp / 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, my dad's order of hair clippers arrived. I've been putting off getting a haircut for a while now, and he offered to give me one for free. Long story short, he managed to ruin the hair clippers, and I now look like a diseased palm tree. FML

by paaaallllmmmssss / 09/25/2015 at 11:40pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm / Australia / Kids

Today, my rental car had an automatic rear hatch. That sounded helpful until I used it and it emptied $60 in just-purchased groceries for the week on the parking lot pavement. The jars and jugs weren't ready for the leap. FML

by technodont / 05/11/2015 at 10:37am / United States / Money

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

by S to the HIT / 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser "A little off the sides." they hear "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2015 at 3:40pm / France (Bretagne) / Miscellaneous

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

by I hate children / 08/18/2014 at 8:10am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Kids

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

by ninnang / 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

by Snow-White / 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Animals