Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cocainewhore

Online | Search for a member

cocainewhore

12Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7226
  • Number of comments : 115
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About cocainewhore : Heavy fucking metal.

cocainewhore's page activity

Visits<b>jacky75</b> - 9 hours ago<b>Damafia</b> - 19 hours ago<b>RA91</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 3:35pm<b>jomar_19</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 6:40pm<b>besosforme</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 12:30pm<b>EnigMind</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 9:37am<b>ItsaBucsLife</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 8:14am<b>christofferkamal</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 12:27pm<b>tuxedotitan</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 11:36am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 6:47pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 8:45am<b>MrPigg</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 8:32pm<b>SlimDanny</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 2:11pm<b>tori4626</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 3:27pm<b>b3altena</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 4:08pm<b>yoimtrollin</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 12:08pm<b>mattzawesome</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 5:38pm<b>KobeLebroJordan</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 2:44pm

Fucked!<b>jacky75</b> - 3 hours ago<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 2:45pm<b>tori4626</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 9:27pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 1:53am<b>shouldntbehere</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 2:34pm<b>xpolymer</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 7:48pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 12:51am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 9:07pm<b>RA91</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 8:42pm<b>robertd73</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 5:30am<b>zsaddayz</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 7:44pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 9:09pm

cocainewhore's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of cocainewhore's badges

cocainewhore's favorite FMLs

Today, we had a surprise party for my boss. Someone turned out all the lights. I was so scared of the dark, the first thing my boss saw when he walked in was all my co-workers watching me scream, "TURN IT ON!" FML

#21083937
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33685) - you deserved it (15408)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

#21083446
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46383) - you deserved it (6790)

On 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

#21081466
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48126) - you deserved it (9586)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm - love - by cunning glassist (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. He dumped me because apparently now there is "too much competition". FML

#21081103
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43573) - you deserved it (12926)

On 03/08/2014 at 4:23am - love - by biwhat (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML

#21080782
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45038) - you deserved it (6452)

On 03/07/2014 at 8:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mess around at my workplace's parking lot. Things got hot and steamy, but in the middle of it all, there came a bang at my car window. My frantic boss had seen us and thought I was being attacked. FML

#21080766
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33327) - you deserved it (26634)

On 03/07/2014 at 7:53pm - work - by unknown - United States (Texas)

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

#21080644
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43172) - you deserved it (4704)

On 03/07/2014 at 4:25pm - misc - by fuck off, eh! (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's mom. She was driving us to a theme park that was about 2 hours away. She asked for the address to put into the GPS, so I gave it to her. It turned out to be a farm, an hour away from the park. So much for good first impressions. FML

#21080378
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34957) - you deserved it (8163)

On 03/07/2014 at 8:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to an auction for the first time. When the run-down house I wanted to bid for came up, I opened bidding at £12,000 and surprisingly won. Feeling pleased, I turned to the person next to me and said, "Lucky me!" She replied, "Yes, lucky you!" and then under her breath said, "Cockhead". FML

#21080041
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36734) - you deserved it (8717)

On 03/06/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

#21077619
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41664) - you deserved it (11655)

On 03/04/2014 at 4:06am - love - by booksandshadows (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63234) - you deserved it (8542)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

#21076929
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41639) - you deserved it (4488)

On 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm - work - by Biologyfacepalm (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

#21075644
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49177) - you deserved it (6921)

On 03/02/2014 at 3:44am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

#21074975
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45326) - you deserved it (5176)

On 03/01/2014 at 1:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

#21074161
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47893) - you deserved it (14395)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)



Caleb Taylor's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #14
  • We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble,…

Wednesday 20 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: