Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cocainewhore

Offline (3 hours ago) | Search for a member

cocainewhore

9Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6633
  • Number of comments : 114
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About cocainewhore : Heavy fucking metal.

cocainewhore's page activity

Visits<b>yoimtrollin</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 12:08pm<b>mattzawesome</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 5:38pm<b>KobeLebroJordan</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 2:44pm<b>fullalove</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 12:27pm<b>kittykat_bw13</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 5:53pm<b>laxlover87</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 4:27pm<b>Devindelon</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 10:24pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 1:01am<b>DeathMetalSlam</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 7:34pm<b>JOEBOBARNOLD</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 5:33pm<b>Ahzukira</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 6:15pm<b>Mc_Knapkins</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 2:42am<b>paravoz</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 2:18am<b>benjamn</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 9:05pm<b>VitalDistance</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 9:22am<b>rockaroths</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 9:55am<b>Rawrshi</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 1:40am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 5:30pm

Fucked!<b>martin8337</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 1:53am<b>shouldntbehere</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 2:34pm<b>xpolymer</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 7:48pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 12:51am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 9:07pm<b>RA91</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 8:42pm<b>robertd73</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 5:30am<b>zsaddayz</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 7:44pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 9:09pm

cocainewhore's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of cocainewhore's badges

cocainewhore's favorite FMLs

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

#21081466
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48103) - you deserved it (9578)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm - love - by cunning glassist (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. He dumped me because apparently now there is "too much competition". FML

#21081103
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43546) - you deserved it (12918)

On 03/08/2014 at 4:23am - love - by biwhat (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML

#21080782
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45012) - you deserved it (6451)

On 03/07/2014 at 8:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mess around at my workplace's parking lot. Things got hot and steamy, but in the middle of it all, there came a bang at my car window. My frantic boss had seen us and thought I was being attacked. FML

#21080766
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33300) - you deserved it (26624)

On 03/07/2014 at 7:53pm - work - by unknown - United States (Texas)

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

#21080644
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43139) - you deserved it (4704)

On 03/07/2014 at 4:25pm - misc - by fuck off, eh! (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's mom. She was driving us to a theme park that was about 2 hours away. She asked for the address to put into the GPS, so I gave it to her. It turned out to be a farm, an hour away from the park. So much for good first impressions. FML

#21080378
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34934) - you deserved it (8158)

On 03/07/2014 at 8:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to an auction for the first time. When the run-down house I wanted to bid for came up, I opened bidding at £12,000 and surprisingly won. Feeling pleased, I turned to the person next to me and said, "Lucky me!" She replied, "Yes, lucky you!" and then under her breath said, "Cockhead". FML

#21080041
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36714) - you deserved it (8715)

On 03/06/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

#21077619
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41643) - you deserved it (11649)

On 03/04/2014 at 4:06am - love - by booksandshadows (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63193) - you deserved it (8537)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

#21076929
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41616) - you deserved it (4485)

On 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm - work - by Biologyfacepalm (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

#21075644
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47317) - you deserved it (6697)

On 03/02/2014 at 3:44am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

#21074975
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45303) - you deserved it (5173)

On 03/01/2014 at 1:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

#21074161
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47857) - you deserved it (14386)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

#21073837
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39443) - you deserved it (3524)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:06am - kids - by Ohgodmother (man) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

#21072136
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22839) - you deserved it (33715) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2014 at 4:45am - work - by sistermonster (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)



FML's blog

  • Elaillce's illustrated FML
  • So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're supposed to talk to people? OK, I know nothing about sports and teams, but I…

Friday 17 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: