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cocainewhore

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cocainewhore

8Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5394
  • Number of comments : 110
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About cocainewhore : Heavy fucking metal.

cocainewhore's page activity

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Liked!<b>shouldntbehere</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 2:34pm<b>xpolymer</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 7:48pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 12:51am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 9:07pm<b>RA91</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 8:42pm<b>robertd73</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 5:30am<b>zsaddayz</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 7:44pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 9:09pm

cocainewhore's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of cocainewhore's badges

cocainewhore's favorite FMLs

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63130) - you deserved it (8534)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

#21076929
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41569) - you deserved it (4484)

On 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm - work - by Biologyfacepalm (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

#21075644
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47326) - you deserved it (6694)

On 03/02/2014 at 3:44am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

#21074975
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43351) - you deserved it (4943)

On 03/01/2014 at 1:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

#21074161
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47795) - you deserved it (14369)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

#21073837
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39411) - you deserved it (3519)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:06am - kids - by Ohgodmother (man) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

#21072136
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22824) - you deserved it (33672) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2014 at 4:45am - work - by sistermonster (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML

#21071970
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48507) - you deserved it (4470)

On 02/26/2014 at 4:31am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I woke up with a strange and itchy feeling in my anus. When I told my boyfriend about it, he started laughing. I still don't know what he did. FML

#21068972
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51358) - you deserved it (6072)

On 02/22/2014 at 11:40pm - intimacy - by dontgothere (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

#21068134
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50834) - you deserved it (9303)

On 02/22/2014 at 12:39am - intimacy - by awkward (man) - United States

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

#21067356
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47012) - you deserved it (3757)

On 02/21/2014 at 4:59am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Russian Federation (Lipetsk)

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

#21067130
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49917) - you deserved it (4035)

On 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm - misc - by BakedBat (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

#21064082
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54461) - you deserved it (4851)

On 02/18/2014 at 12:45am - love - by fiercehawk (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

#21062405
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38358) - you deserved it (4285)

On 02/16/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by shanti (woman) -



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