Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cocainewhore

Online | Search for a member

cocainewhore

9Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6591
  • Number of comments : 114
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About cocainewhore : Heavy fucking metal.

cocainewhore's page activity

Visits<b>yoimtrollin</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 12:08pm<b>mattzawesome</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 5:38pm<b>KobeLebroJordan</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 2:44pm<b>fullalove</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 12:27pm<b>kittykat_bw13</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 5:53pm<b>laxlover87</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 4:27pm<b>Devindelon</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 10:24pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 1:01am<b>DeathMetalSlam</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 7:34pm<b>JOEBOBARNOLD</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 5:33pm<b>Ahzukira</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 6:15pm<b>Mc_Knapkins</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 2:42am<b>paravoz</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 2:18am<b>benjamn</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 9:05pm<b>VitalDistance</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 9:22am<b>rockaroths</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 9:55am<b>Rawrshi</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 1:40am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 5:30pm

Fucked!<b>martin8337</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 1:53am<b>shouldntbehere</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 2:34pm<b>xpolymer</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 7:48pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 12:51am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 9:07pm<b>RA91</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 8:42pm<b>robertd73</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 5:30am<b>zsaddayz</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 7:44pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 9:09pm

cocainewhore's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of cocainewhore's badges

cocainewhore's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

#21395495
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10632) - you deserved it (655)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:15pm - health - by khaoslife - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup bottle. He said he wanted my period to end quicker, and he honestly thought that would work. FML

#21395407
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13439) - you deserved it (1196)

On 04/17/2015 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by dontsqueezemepls - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML

#21395050
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21398) - you deserved it (1794)

On 04/17/2015 at 2:24am - love - by apparently_disabled - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got headbutted for saying that Nutella is overrated. FML

#21391724
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26347) - you deserved it (15886)

On 04/11/2015 at 8:34am - health - by jamisbetter - United Kingdom

Today, some well-meaning soul told me to just pray my depression away, which would be about as effective as praying away a knife in my shin. FML

#21382206
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23617) - you deserved it (3276)

On 03/27/2015 at 1:31am - misc - by an anon - United States (California)

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

#21370481
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31829) - you deserved it (12)

On 03/08/2015 at 12:42pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

#21368848
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33694) - you deserved it (7159)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:25pm - misc - by Josh - United States (Missouri)

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

#21365242
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18734) - you deserved it (55343)

On 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

#21354035
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29179) - you deserved it (3213)

On 02/11/2015 at 11:11am - kids - by maybe? (woman) - Germany (Hamburg)

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML

#21329874
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40603) - you deserved it (8432)

On 01/03/2015 at 5:48am - love - by JJ_V3N0M - United States (California)

Today, I was waiting in line while a lady paid for her shopping, when her credit card got declined. She started ranting and insulting everyone and kept insisting: "I'm not poor!" By the time the lady had finally stormed off, I had spittle on my face, and the cashier was almost in tears. FML

#21325473
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29521) - you deserved it (2154)

On 12/27/2014 at 7:22pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35506) - you deserved it (4290)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

#21308108
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28927) - you deserved it (5882)

On 11/29/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by come on man (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

#21308095
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40068) - you deserved it (5157)

On 11/29/2014 at 11:28am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)



FML's blog

  • Elaillce's illustrated FML
  • So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're supposed to talk to people? OK, I know nothing about sports and teams, but I…

Friday 17 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: