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cocainewhore

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cocainewhore
  • Town/Country : Bath, England
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 474
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About cocainewhore : Heavy fucking metal.
Engaged.

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cocainewhore's favorite FMLs

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

#21119490
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34860) - you deserved it (8348)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of 3 years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML

#21118108
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36360) - you deserved it (6986)

On 04/20/2014 at 1:58pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

#21115090
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43159) - you deserved it (3442)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47464) - you deserved it (4109)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

#21112406
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34176) - you deserved it (5148)

On 04/13/2014 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, I found out that my three closest online friends are the same person: my obsessive ex. I met all three before he and I even started dating. FML

#21105963
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38133) - you deserved it (4824)

On 04/06/2014 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

#21105190
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39697) - you deserved it (11953)

On 04/05/2014 at 1:48pm - work - by =( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom visited, and I left her for a few minutes while I used the bathroom. While I was stuck taking a crap, she went on one of her religious rants, telling my children that Easter was off this year because their precious "pagan" Easter Bunny had been murdered. FML

#21104621
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33678) - you deserved it (3185)

On 04/04/2014 at 6:38pm - misc - by kaheera4 (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45664) - you deserved it (5627)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at a wedding reception with loud music. A guy told me that his sister couldn't be there because she "went home to be with her boy." I said, "That's too bad, she's missing a great party." He paused and repeated, "She went home to be with her LORD." FML

#21100696
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31731) - you deserved it (3849)

On 03/31/2014 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I faced my social anxiety and went to a chip shop on my own. I tried to have a conversation with the owner, but his thick accent made it difficult. He now knows where I live, what college I go to and I'm pretty sure I agreed to go to India with him. FML

#21096939
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35238) - you deserved it (6857)

On 03/26/2014 at 2:06pm - misc - by sociallyawkward (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

#21089774
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46699) - you deserved it (5062)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:14am - intimacy - by tiredofcrazy (woman) - Australia

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my back yard, dug up my 1-month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

#21084613
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42162) - you deserved it (2698)

On 03/12/2014 at 2:39am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)



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