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cobra_comm

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cobra_comm
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  • Number of visits : 1286
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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cobra_comm's favorite FMLs

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36005) - you deserved it (4125)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML

#21110214
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30140) - you deserved it (4555)

On 04/11/2014 at 10:51am - misc - by Gomer (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML

Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML

#21101967
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35339) - you deserved it (9457)

On 04/01/2014 at 3:21pm - love - by someone (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML

#21101111
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38832) - you deserved it (3550)

On 03/31/2014 at 4:07pm - work - by dunno why we bother (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

#21099601
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35282) - you deserved it (3738)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm - work - by ohdear. (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

#21099196
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42681) - you deserved it (3401)

On 03/29/2014 at 6:34am - work - by bringthemback (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out why my dad always treated me badly as a kid compared to my siblings. It's because I was conceived while my mom was cheating on him. On top of that, he made it clear that he still doesn't consider me a "real" part of the family. FML

#21091901
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48423) - you deserved it (2566)

On 03/20/2014 at 4:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had an elaborate fantasy of what I would do if I became a cat and how I would make my way to my crush's house to be their cat. FML

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML

#21088136
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36528) - you deserved it (5640)

On 03/16/2014 at 1:53pm - love - by cumbucket cops (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

#21085518
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44890) - you deserved it (4115)

On 03/13/2014 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend asked why I never let him go down on me. I told him that it doesn't do much for me, even though it really does. I didn't have the courage to tell him that it's because he acts like a rabid dog when he does. FML

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36249) - you deserved it (5258)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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