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cnewton84

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cnewton84

0Fucked!

cnewton84cnewton84
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 15 May 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 830
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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cnewton84's page activity

Visits<b>bigredmonkeybutt</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 7:18pm<b>aishah77</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 10:13pm<b>izkiz</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 7:26pm<b>EvanescenceLuv</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 4:32pm<b>kjblack</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 2:13am<b>KimplicatedWreck</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 4:55pm<b>Kyra1</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 3:29am<b>DaGenie215</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 12:53am<b>Lustig_Junge</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 10:32pm<b>hekinokuroihi</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 10:31pm<b>armyant98</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 6:51pm<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 6:11pm<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 4:26pm<b>ilovefood17</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 4:41pm<b>thee_most_dope</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 10:43pm<b>AbyadRahman</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 4:23pm<b>AkaMido</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 8:27am<b>elibel</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 3:32pm

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cnewton84's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

#21387117
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28566) - you deserved it (5431)

On 04/03/2015 at 5:15pm - kids - by no, YOU raised him (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

#21382528
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24252) - you deserved it (5312)

On 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm - work - by screwedupfuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

#21371826
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27037) - you deserved it (6353)

On 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by parkoursam - United States (Illinois)

Today, my sister came out of the closet. By which I mean she came out as the pregnant mother of my boyfriend's child. FML

#21365896
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36567) - you deserved it (2399)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

#21351571
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43326) - you deserved it (2750)

On 02/07/2015 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I witnessed a man masturbate into a public urinal, miss, fart, and then leave without washing his hands. FML

#21347895
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31284) - you deserved it (2294)

On 02/01/2015 at 6:10pm - health - by grossedout - United States (Virginia)

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

#21346989
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24219) - you deserved it (6171)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm - kids - by 3722145 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I fell asleep curling my bangs. I now look like Mrs. Potato head. FML

#21345701
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17499) - you deserved it (11220)

On 01/28/2015 at 5:20pm - misc - by WildShortstop13 - United States (South Dakota)

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML

#21341527
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39933) - you deserved it (2224)

On 01/21/2015 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML

#21330185
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35428) - you deserved it (6672)

On 01/03/2015 at 7:23pm - love - by allgassedout (man) - United States (California)

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28696) - you deserved it (24094)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

#21267339
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32474) - you deserved it (3441)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm - kids - by Anonymoose - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44804) - you deserved it (16607)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54777) - you deserved it (3687)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)



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