Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cmyk

Search for a member

cmyk
  • Town/Country : Somewhere, unicorn
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 660
  • Number of comments : 188
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About cmyk : Im a flying alligator.

cmyk's last visitors

IwtumnMynamewontfialexmac222zyperman43dinosxxrawrmintyowlgirlgedjw90snowby2pcman10

cmyk's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of cmyk's badges

cmyk's favorite FMLs

Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

#21067749
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33895) - you deserved it (15387)

On 02/21/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by Cuntface McGee (man) - Romania (Cluj)

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

#20919168
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42108) - you deserved it (3635)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:50pm - money - by and she blames me -_- (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

#20804217
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46168) - you deserved it (2411)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:58am - health - by Saddoc (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a group of guys came into my restaurant, dressed up in some kind of role-playing game clothing. Apparently I pronounced one of their fake elf names wrong, because the guy complained to my manager, who then bitched me out in front of everyone for upsetting the customers. FML

#20685944
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40575) - you deserved it (4067)

On 05/25/2013 at 6:13pm - work - by leela (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

#20661280
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34784) - you deserved it (3425)

On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53263) - you deserved it (3418)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63763) - you deserved it (6817)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

#19991371
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22169) - you deserved it (5862)

On 07/29/2012 at 8:25pm - misc - by oops (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML

#18660623
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21730) - you deserved it (5044)

On 12/31/2011 at 2:24am - animals - by YOURMOM - United States (California)

Today, I gave my ex-girlfriend two concert tickets to show her I still care about her and want to win her back. She sold them. FML

#14220139
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9974) - you deserved it (29479)

On 12/16/2010 at 12:51am - love - by LD619 - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my 2 week Christmas vacation my boss was talking about wasn't for this year, but 2010. I spent the day with my husband cancelling flights to Florida, and explaning to my 8 year old why we were not going to Disney World. FML

#6557406
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28023) - you deserved it (3913)

On 12/01/2009 at 8:32pm - work - by mylifesucks (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML

#2202679
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33951) - you deserved it (29974)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Sigh (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

#2045344
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61106) - you deserved it (6179)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
515 comments

I agree, your life sucks (227048) - you deserved it (29232)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: