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cmayer's favorite FMLs
Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML
by cheated / 11/23/2011 at 12:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML
by jesus christ / 09/30/2011 at 10:55pm / United States / Kids
by Penkkis / 09/13/2011 at 2:11am / Finland (Lapland) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/18/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom (Bexley) / Animals
Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML
by scully11 / 08/02/2011 at 2:36pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML
by Username / 08/02/2011 at 12:43am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, my back hurt really badly, so I decided to stay in bed. After a while, I sat up to shut the door. When I leaned over to reach it, I fell off my bed and face-planted the floor. After picking myself up and getting comfortable in my bed again, I realized the door was still open. FML
by no one / 06/19/2011 at 2:46pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health
by Braxam / 06/15/2011 at 12:42pm / United States / Health
by newlywed / 02/27/2011 at 12:18am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/05/2011 at 4:01am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Health
by edulover / 12/31/2010 at 8:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer tried to pay for a $1.55 cup of coffee with a gift card, but he came up a dollar short. He let another customer through while he fumbled in his pocket for money. I later noticed a dollar had disappeared from my tip jar. FML
by barista / 12/05/2010 at 12:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, I decided to put on my Halloween make-up to be sure that I could and that it would look nice. I was satisfied with my results, and went to wash it off. Everything came off fine, except for the eye liner and eye shadow. It's bright purple. I'm a man. Halloween isn't until Sunday. FML
by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 2:57pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, my husband told me the reason he'd been meeting his high school sweetheart behind my back and lying about where he was was out of respect for me. He thinks I'm ungrateful for not appreciating the lengths he's gone to to hide this. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…