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cmayer's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 06/06/2013 at 12:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by TooSunnyForSkin / 06/05/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Indiana) / Holidays
by Anonymous / 06/04/2013 at 3:11am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML
by fuck wannabe knowitalls / 06/03/2013 at 7:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by future burger flipper / 06/03/2013 at 3:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money
Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
by paulinapo / 05/29/2013 at 9:53pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by anonymoose / 05/29/2013 at 8:39pm / Australia (South Australia) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 11:21am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 05/27/2013 at 7:34pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by scared-straight / 05/27/2013 at 12:05am / United States / Animals
Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2013 at 12:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ChangoFett / 05/26/2013 at 2:46am / United States (California) / Work
Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML
by Anonymous / 05/25/2013 at 6:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML
by unwilling redneck / 05/24/2013 at 6:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.…