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cmat84

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cmat84
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  • Number of visits : 148
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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cmat84's favorite FMLs

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40415) - you deserved it (3519)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, the guy I live with demanded that I get a job or start paying rent. It'd be perfectly reasonable, if he wasn't my husband, and if I hadn't just given birth to our first child. FML

#21110568
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41569) - you deserved it (4630)

On 04/11/2014 at 7:49pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

#21099196
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42710) - you deserved it (3401)

On 03/29/2014 at 6:34am - work - by bringthemback (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

#21091119
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35793) - you deserved it (4519)

On 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm - misc - by BigBlue (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a lady who works for my husband confided in me that they've been sleeping with each other and now she's pregnant. She didn't know I was his wife. FML

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

#21086436
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31964) - you deserved it (4914)

On 03/14/2014 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

#21058111
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44703) - you deserved it (4852)

On 02/12/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stuck - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

#21057121
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45661) - you deserved it (7507)

On 02/11/2014 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

#21057082
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39204) - you deserved it (6108) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/11/2014 at 5:01am - work - by norina (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

#21053604
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20321) - you deserved it (44601)

On 02/07/2014 at 6:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was driving along when I noticed a kid struggling to push his car up the crest of a hill. I jumped out to help him, and he acted surprised to see me. Once we got the car over the hill, it rolled on down. I then saw that no one was actually in the driver's seat. I'd helped a vandal. FML

#21052299
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41475) - you deserved it (7505)

On 02/06/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by Delanto - United States

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39769) - you deserved it (11622)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML

#21031092
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50615) - you deserved it (7056)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by lauralai22 (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

#21026614
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46868) - you deserved it (9161)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my husband told me yet again that the last two years have been the worst of his life. Our two year anniversary is next week. FML

#21009083
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37758) - you deserved it (3657)

On 12/29/2013 at 4:05am - love - by heart broken - United States



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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