clutch__23

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Offline (the 10/13/2015 at 7:51pm)

clutch__23

0Fucked!

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  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 361
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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clutch__23's page activity

Visits<b>Roaryah</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 6:02pm<b>redwill85</b> - the 03/16/2014 at 9:31pm

clutch__23's FML badges

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YDI master

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clutch__23's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

by green and not with envy / 06/13/2014 at 4:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost my phone. I called the number from my friend's phone, hoping I could find it. A guy answered, laughed "Thanks for the phone!" and hung up. FML

by phonegotlostinthepark / 12/03/2013 at 12:54pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

by clean / 09/16/2013 at 3:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2012 at 6:30am / Australia / Transportation

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

by NaniNarcotic / 08/16/2011 at 6:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2010 at 8:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

by rtrim29 / 12/26/2009 at 11:18am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I went to McDonalds to get breakfast. I sat my food down at a table and went to get some napkins and a straw. I returned to the table to find that my food was gone, and could hear nothing but "SUCKKAAAA" trailing from the entrance to the restaurant. Some jerk stole my meal. FML

by HungryGirl / 10/24/2009 at 10:45am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2009 at 10:58pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I went to a huge party. My ex boyfriend was there who I still have feelings for, so I decided to make him jealous by making out with the really drunk guy next to me. While we were making out, he threw up in my mouth and all over me. Everybody found it hysterical including my ex. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 9:50am / South Africa (Free State) / Love

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

by Heifer / 05/16/2009 at 5:41pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

by Rhyno / 05/05/2009 at 11:37am / United States (New York) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm / United States / Intimacy