clareobryan

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Offline (the 09/18/2014 at 3:56am)

clareobryan

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 August 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4748
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About clareobryan : I like cats and Ostin.

clareobryan's page activity

Visits<b>1x1y</b> - the 05/10/2014 at 1:37am<b>k_gils</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 2:59pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 9:36am<b>michaelf461</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 11:26pm<b>happyapy</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 7:15pm<b>Apretendbiscuit</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 2:28am<b>creeperwindow</b> - the 02/05/2014 at 10:22pm<b>REALAfroninga</b> - the 02/05/2014 at 5:02pm<b>ChancellorW</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 6:50pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 3:12pm<b>regenerate</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 2:45pm<b>dreadbeat69</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 1:34pm<b>abbbeyS</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 9:46pm<b>lamalie</b> - the 01/02/2014 at 3:00am<b>flufee2</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 5:25pm<b>arianaxoxo</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 7:50pm<b>bigredlickyjosh</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 6:25pm<b>painting_pirate</b> - the 12/25/2013 at 10:41pm

clareobryan's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of clareobryan's badges

clareobryan's favorite FMLs

Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because I'm gray up here, doesn't mean I'm gray down there!" FML

Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2014 at 4:01pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm / United States / Love

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

by Kaddiscott / 01/20/2014 at 5:12am / Italy (Trentino-Alto Adige) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2014 at 12:30am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, a DJ friend of mine offered me a part in one of his tracks. I was flattered, and accepted. All I ended up singing was, "I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch" over and over again in the background. FML

by Cacahuete / 12/28/2013 at 9:46am / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 7:05pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Animals

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

by fuck my eyeballs / 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

by queenxalee / 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

by awkward / 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

by Steiner / 11/05/2013 at 4:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML

by meow / 10/30/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Animals

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous