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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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chynnatownn's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
by thisguy / 10/08/2013 at 5:55am / United States (California) / Kids
by Agax / 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML
by SplishSplash / 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast, I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie on the couch. I had to awkwardly stand out of sight on the stairs, too scared to go down, or even back up, because our stairs creak. FML
by Stinkipinkki / 08/21/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Terminator101101 / 05/30/2013 at 7:06pm / United States (Nevada) / Love
by life insurance for 1 / 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 3:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 1:05am / United States / Animals
by scared-straight / 05/27/2013 at 12:05am / United States / Animals
by anony / 02/27/2013 at 8:49am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML
by Rebecca / 04/16/2012 at 2:49pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML
by ilovechickens / 04/14/2012 at 11:46pm / United States / Animals
by KMO / 02/25/2012 at 11:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…